Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The TeeVee is dumbing me up.

The weather people this worming were gushing about how it is going to be so much cooler today. Only 110! (Yesterday was 115.) But then, I think the news people are more frantic in general cause nobody watches them anymore, now that we watch TIVO. They are sort of desperate and scary. (Scary mostly cause of all the huge fake boobies aggressively wrestling their way out of tiny tops while they try to read the news. Is super professional.)

Sorry. But I have been watching all kinds of TV lately. TV during the day. Stuff not on TIVO. Even commercials. I'm not proud of it, but it can't be helped. It has prompted me to think: who watches The View? Is horrendous. Truly horrid. Like a circus side show. I wouldn't be surprised if one of those angry, ignorant ladies decided to eat fire or grow a beard. 

And what is up with this Wendy Williams Show? Is she kidding? Is she really a she? I can't tell.

And did you know Kathy Lee is back on TV? Yes, she totally is! Is unbelievable! She has some dog and pony show she does with another lady named Hoda, who looks like she got demoted from Good Morning America or similar, and is willing to be Kathy Lee's slave so she won't be sent back to wherever she came from in defeat, admitting her career has been flushed. Today they were dressed up in western gear and acting like clowns in San Antonio, drinking beers at like 7 am.

The commercials are horrifying. Have you seen the one for The Hartford insurance, that asks "What if you are in a car accident? Who is going to walk your dog?" Apparently, THEY will. They are taking MY insurance premiums  (if I had a policy with The Hartford, which I don't, and now never will have, on principle) to pay for dog walking. Not only that, they think enough people will find this idea so super fantastic, that they are paying lots of money to run ads about it. Seriously, people? We need dog-walking insurance now? I say nay!

Plus, last night I got super desperate, and decided to watch The Bachelorette finale, even though I hadn't seen the rest of the show. It was surprisingly easy to catch up. Lots of boys with lots of rings, probably looking for modeling careers more than love. What was up with the wedding dress? Why? And all the legs wrapped around all the boys? And all the making out with everybody? Yickety-yick. Yick.  I seriously cannot deal with all the extreme trampiness, stupidity, and completely scripted soap opera style pathos. Although, watching a girl get chased by good-looking men is infinitely preferable to seeing ladies slutting it up over some bleachy-toothed, lying loser (The Bachelor).

In the future, when someone writes a "Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire" equivalent for America, I think Whoopi Goldberg, Kathy Lee Gifford, The Bachelorette, and dog-walking insurance will have their own footnotes. (In the chapter entitled "If the Puritans could see us now!")

I haven't started watching any Soaps yet. Maybe after I have seen everything on HGTV twice. But probly not.

Anyhow, I feel bloated and gassy with pop culture. And, you might have noticed, medium-angry. I started to feel like my brain was rotting, so I played sudoku on my iphone while I watched this morning. It didn't help. 

Plus, I tried moving up from VERY EASY to EASY puzzles, and it gave me a headache.

I think the TV is making me dumber. 

My Mom told me it would happen.

What have you seen lately that has left you more stupid?


Bee said...

Several good thoughts in this one, despite your claim that you have half-melted your brain.

Our weather is 60 degrees, with rain. Not very summery. Couldn't pick raspberries, for instance, which is what I had planned for today. It would be nice if we could split the difference, weather-wise.

My advice is go to your nearest Barnes and Noble and drink an iced coffee and stock up on lots of good books and LOSE your TV remote.

Linds said...

Yikes! Time for a good book. I just finished "The Private Diary of Mr. Darcy" by Maya Slater. I'm not necessarily recommending it, but anything is better than The View and Kathy Lee.

Melanie J said...

I think I get dumber just watching promos for the summer reality shows. More to Love? Dating in the Dark?

I like The Closer. It helps reset the balance.

Anonymous said...

Things I've watched that left me dumber?


Japanese anime?

Did I really just admit that on the internets?

La Yen said...

Plants Vs Zombies. The most awesome computer game. Google it. It helps you not pay attention to the shows.

Hailey said...

I was all into Plants vs. Zombies UNTIL I told Ben about it and so he stayed up until 2 am, not only passing me up, but BEATING THE GAME. And all of a sudden, I didn't care any more. Because I hate it when he does that.

Brett and Shireen said...

I have to admit that I watched dating in the dark last week, and it totally left me way dumber than I even thought possible. I'm surprised I can even remember how to read and write. By the way, I will not be watching that show ever again.

My husband watches the same sports center episode (do you call it an episode?) like 3 times in a single day. Yes, the same one. Why? I am trying to figure that out. But I suspect it's rotting his brain.

I get sort of desperate sometimes and watch "the Wheel". I referred to "the Wheel" to my mother who claimed to have never seen it. I don't believe her. But I am super good at solving their word puzzles.

Amber said...

My husband watches all of those made for tv movies about disasters and comets hitting the earth. The credits alone take 10 points off any IQ. Full of B, C and D List actresses with boob jobs. I am glad you mentioned that...I am sick of seeing fake boobs everywhere!!

But I do watch "Wipe out" and I know it rots my brain. I haven't solved the Sudoku in my Fiday paper in 2 weeks!

Stacey said...

I looked up food storage and found your other blog and saw this and came on over.
You are so funny! I just moved to Casper, WY and don't get my local channels I watch Fox News, the commercials are horrible, Viagra, or anything like unto it, should not be on TV.
Before we moved I watched Regis and Kelly, at least she is flat chested like me, I don't think they are too bad.
I saw a couple episodes of Ruby and Jon and Kate before the drama, my IQ may have dropped a few points...I can't even remember what I watch. Lost, The Office, the sciene channel.
Sponge Bob! That has made my brain mush!

Stacey said...

Hey I just noticed you are from the valley. Me too. Grew up in the Chatsworth 2nd Ward.

andrus_heather said...

I would prefer wasting an afternoon away reading hilarious blogs than watching tv. So, thanks for entertaining me. You crack me up every time.

Sinclair said...

Well, I first have to say we don't have TIVO and don't watch much teevee, but in the evenings after the chores are finished, I do like to watch a bit on certain days. I LOVE The Big Bang Theory for its entertaining writing and delivery.

We have to mute every commercial (I MEAN E V E R Y one!)on any channel except Noggin. Noggin and PBS are the only two channels my 5 year old will watch.

Because it scares her so much to endure the assertion that BUGS, CONTAMINATES, ALLERGENS, PATHOGENS, BACTERIA, and a whole host of other meanies live in your house, your bed, and your body, and you just need to buy (this product) to rid yourself of them.

And she had to hold her ears when Big Pharma commercials laid it out for you that while you might get cured of (this disease/ailment/infirmity), you COULD experience lymphoma, death, bleeding from the ears or rectum, dizziness, diarrhea, bloating, blindness, swelling, rash, or seizures. Ask you doctor if this is right for you.

Shows that make you dumber? TMZ, Dance your a** off?

Chief said...

My fave is the commercial about not having diarrhea and then go swimming in a public pool...where the guy rips off his towel proudly and jumps in because he hasn't had the runs for 2 weeks.

I would pay double for TiVo

This is me said...

"Another Cinderella Story" on the Disney Channel, starring Selena Gomez. I was previewing it b/c my 6 year old wanted to watch it. And she definitely did not get to. Because she hasn't even started first grade yet and, therefore does not have that much to "dumb down."
I, for one, wanted to stab my eyes out.

Jaime Theler said...

This just reinforced my not-ever-watching TV habit. Yuck! Whenever I want to veg out in front of the thing there's never anything good on, and that's with way too many channels!

Just FYI, on my author blog you've received a "major award." May it make your 100+ degree day a little better. :)

Taffy said...

Um ANY reality TV show pretty much dumbs me down. Wait. I do like 'Dirty Jobs'. That guy is FUNNY!

Lorie said...

I watched the San Antonio episode of Today...I love that Kathy Lee tried to give a little kid a Jalapeño that was in a margarita!

sarinahbrooks said...

The Bachelorette - seriously, are thos actors? It seems so scripted and nauseating!

Shellie said...

wendy williams coached me on my deep sexy tranny voice.