Monday, August 10, 2009

Your blog makes me barf

I know. You clicked on the title because you think that here in the post body, I will take it all back. That I'll tell you, no way, I'm totally kidding! Your blog doesn't make me barf.

But the sad truth is, it does. When I read your blog, I want to vomit.

If it makes you feel any better, my blog makes me barf, too.

So does checking my email.

And reading. (Like computers,  all the words make me feel seasick.)

And smelling any sort of Asian food, sitting up, drinking water, watching Rick Steves eat pickled herring in Belgium, brushing my hair, or taking a nap. 

To be fair, I should also list things that do not (usually) make me chuck: lying in my bed without moving anything but my eyeballs and the index finger that changes channels on the TV remote, lemon sorbet, and vanilla mint chapstick.

In other news, thanks to our friends at Dr. Beck's office, who prescribed the zofran, I only fantasize about going into a Michael Jackson style induced coma like twice a day. And I almost never wish I were temporarily dead. Anymore.

And finally, remember when my pants fell off in Albertson's? And I pretended to be horrified by it? And then I went and got pants 4 sizes smaller? 

Let's just say that if I decided to go to Albertson's today and purchase raw chicken (seems super-duper unlikely, since I am dry heaving a bit, just thinking about it), that those pants aren't going anywhere. They are uncomfortably snug. (And I'm talking about the big pants. Those little ones only fit for like two weeks).

At least there's that. (We won't talk about how I can be simultaneously barfing and gaining weight. I'm sure there is some kind of scientific explanation that won't make me feel any better.)

Happy 8.5 weeks to me.

If you ask me in October, I will tell you I am super excited, and that it was all worth it.

I do love me some babies. 

Do you get sick? How sick? Please tell me about it. Cause it might be very wrong of me, but one thing that makes me feel better is hearing about other people who feel worse. But please don't tell me stuff like: Oh sure, once I was like, 6 months along, and I drove past this swamp that smelled like decomposing bodies, and it was totally touch and go there for like 30 seconds, but I ate some saltines, and I held it together! 

Which reminds me: no one is allowed to say anything about eating saltines. It will make me very angry.


erin said...

Sorry. I don't get sick, so I can't really relate to the pregnancy sickness thing. BUT, how great that you are adding another to your cute family! And, I hope you get feeling better soon!! Congrats :)

Barbaloot said...

I'm sorry/happy for you! Huge bummer that you're feeling sick, but now I have an actual person I'm gonna be crocheting for!!

Lizzie said...

so excited for you.(that you are having a baby, not that you are sick) I can only hope that I don't get sick while pregnant. I guess I will have to try it and find out :)

Azúcar said...

First of all, YAY!

Second, I was only sick for three months with my first. Of course, during that time I traveled to Europe and spent a particularly wretched 24 hour period throwing up constantly from diesel train fumes, taxi fumes, and then plane puke. And when my husband went to the flight attendant and said could his wife please get something to drink because she had morning sickness the attendant said, "Sure! Like wine or beer?"

(Flight attendant FAIL.)

When my second baby came along I was sick for ONLY the first 7 months. I threw up a lot, every day, and came to the sad realization that it was probably just going to be part of my life forever to puke.

YAY! A baby!

Beeswax said...

Erin, don't give me one more reason to hate you (youth, beauty, skinny, and now, not sick), or I don't think we can be friends anymore.

Barbaloot, you totally do! I'm due in March, so no pressure.

LIzzie, you need to hurry up and get a bun in your oven, so this kid will have a cousin in his/her cohort!

Azucar, my greatest fear is that this will not end at 16 weeks, as it has with the previous kids, but go on forever (until March). I think I will need mental help if that happens.

Total flight attendant fail.

Jolene said...

I puked every single day with every single pregnancy. I feel bad for you. Late in my first pregnancy I realized that as soon as I felt the urge to puke, if I drank as much water as I could possible gulp down (sometimes with my mouth right under the running water of the bathroom faucet) then I would mostly just throw up water. It sounds gross - but it really helped. Water is so much better to throw up than all of the things people told me to eat to avoid throwing up.

Beeswax said...

I totally do that with the water. When I can tell things aren't going to stay down, I get as much water down as possible before the inevitable occurs. Is a really good tip. Then you don't get chunks in your throat.

andrus_heather said...

Oh, yay! I am sorry about the barfing, but totally excited your expecting. (As much as a perfect stranger with a free purse could possibly be). And, since I have 3 boys and 1 girl also...maybe if you have another girl I can have another, too. I'm rooting for you!

andrus_heather said...

you're. That's so annoying. I can't believe I did that.

Jenni said...

My last two pregnancies ended with getting cut open, and the most recent with a 10 pounder. I feel your pain! =) Congrats to you!!! So exciting! So when does that make you due--like MArch?? Josh and I are coming to AZ in April...just in time to meet #5!

Jaime Theler said...

I feel for you! Forget morning sickness, I'm sick every waking minute from 4 weeks until birth. It's so fabulous when all of a sudden I have a baby *and* no longer feel like barfing. After that many months you start to forget what it's like not to be on the verge of throwing up. I would go through labor in a heartbeat for someone else if they'd take the pregnancy for me. So sorry!

I hope that helps. :)

Jennifer Babbitt said...

Congrats!!! I get sick. So sick that for 5 months Nathan had to feed the family. Guess what he made? Top ramen. EVERY MEAL. I am so thankful that he stepped up his game.

I guess the topper is Jen (psst. your sister) she is so sick that she tops almost all stories.

Good luck gestating!!

shellie said...

Wahooooooo! I'm so happy for you. Congrats on adding to your hive!

Melanie J said...

I'm 8 weeks and I won't say anything about getting sick or not. But I think there's something in the blog water because everyone seems to be catching babies lately.

Hailey said...

You're totally a rockstar for having number 5. If I found out I was having number 5 right now, I'd climb into bed this second and maybe come out next spring. Very sorry about the sick thing. My friend is going through the same thing right now and she's not much fun to hang out with. (In other words, we mostly eat when we are together, and she can stand to eat NO THING.) So I really hope it's over soon.

natalie said...


With both my kids I threw up every twenty minutes for MY ENTIRE PREGNANCY, DAY AND NIGHT UNTIL THEY WERE BORN. I had no lining left in my throat or my nose, so when I vomited, I also bled. I also managed to gain 65 lbs both times which stumped both myself and the doctors because I threw up everything that went in my mouth, including water, and I was in the ER at least twice a week on an IV drip for nourishment.
I have to say, though, that I was grateful to be so sick. I miscarried six of my pregnancies, and I always stopped being sick all of a sudden when my babies died. I was so thankful for every time I had my head in the toilet because it meant everyone was still okay! Except for me who wanted to die. ;P

James and Summer said...

I barf. 3-15 times a day for TEN months. Enjoy. Hope you feel better laughing at my misery.

Chief said...

hey...kind of a lurker. this post made me come out of the dark shadows and comment.

I was sick. I was real sick. with both pregnancies for the entire 10 months. I had Zofran when Zofran was still only used for chemo patients and was experimental for pregnant sicko's. The zofran made me constipated and I wasn't sure which was worse. Drink alot of water sista! I feel for you and every time you ralf, know I sympathize. It is a miserable existence. As soon as the baby is born you will get every bit of your appetite back so have a Whopper on stand by.

I lived on iced tea and lemons. I sucked lemons every single minute of the 10 months.

Good luck and I am with ya all the way!

wonder woman said...

You are about to get very angry. I'm munching on saltines right now. For the same reason you hate them.

Also, the blog water that Melanie referred to is particularly potent down south -- do you read That Girl formally misplaced in Brazil, now relocated and pensieving in the Phoenix/Mesa area? (wow that was a long sentence.) Anyway. She's knocked up, too. And I hear there are other announcements to come...

wonder woman said...

And congrats! Did I say that! yay!

Charlotte said...

With my first I threw up the first two semesters. Started in the middle of a Denny's and just got worse from there. Carried bags around with me in case I couldn't make it to a bathroom. Ate nothing but Spaghettios for weeks because they came up easier. Luckily I was only sick like that on my first. 12 years and 6 kids later, I have yet to go back to Denny's or eat Spaghettios. Not even once.

Amber said...

I am going to throw out I hope it's a girl, since you and your daughter seem outnumbered.

I love my zofran, except my insurance only allows 8 of the 8 mg per month! AAHHH.

I barf all the time until 20 weeks, then I just feel gross for the remaining 20. I have to stick my fingers down my throat to do throw up. You've got to really want it to do that! Way gross.

With my last pregnancy, I noticed huge love handles at 12 weeks. I hadn't eaten anything for at least 9 weeks, so I don't know what the deal was. I still have 25 lbs. of baby fat and the baby is 10 months.

I feel your pain. It makes me feel sick to my stomach just writing about it.

Kristen said...

Congrats on the bebe. Did you plan March on purpose so you wouldn't have to be pregnant in the summer heat? If so very smart. If not very lucky. I. get. sick. Hope you feel better soon. :)

Brett and Shireen said...

Congrats Kelly! Eating crackers doesn't help, but eating ice cream does (in my experience). I barfed nearly every day for months, and was miraculously able to still gain weight. It's a gift, I know. Seriously, so excited for you!

Relief Society said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kari said...

I don't throw up, but I'm nauseated for months and months and almost years. And I can't think straight. And I don't return phone calls. Is a really bad time.

Strange--I was just thinking about this today, while listening to ColdPlay, when Craig said, "hey, I wonder if they'll do another AZ concert over Thanksgiving so we can crash again," and I said, "unless Kelly's expecting, and she might be, and then she'll just want to barf and that makes late-night leftovers no fun at all."

He'll be sad that I was right. But I'm happy for you. Yeah for the baby! And you make beautiful babies, so you should have as many as you can handle, to outnumber all the ugly people who reproduce.

Kari said...

PS . . . that obnoxious delete up there was me . . . was logged into RS account . . . sorry.

Lisa said...

Ugh, pregnancy!! So cruel!!

My 'morning sickness' (what a misnomer THAT is!)got worse with each pregnancy. First baby was 12 weeks to the day, second was 16 weeks and the third was 24 weeks. I vomited so violently after eating stir fry with #3 that the water literally splashed up out of the toilet, into which I was bowing, into my face! When I was done there were splashes of carrots and zucchini on the wall. I learned my lesson after that; no more healthy stuff. I only ate fries with gravy, and cheezies. I'll admit I was as huge as a house but I wasn't puking anymore!!

Congrats on bringing another bundle of joy (and diapers) into the world! Hope you're feeling better soon!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Wow! Congrats on the pregnancy! That's awesome.

I know how your feeling and am very, very grateful that I'll never have to feel that again. :)

Amber said...

How exciting! Yay! I too am rooting for another girl for you. Hope you start feeling better soon :)

I will never ever forget dragging myself around Tucson with a 20 month old in tow, sick as a dog, just wishing to die, while pregnant with my second. Hope that makes you feel better!

PS I am so with you on the saltines. Just the thought of them makes me nauseous......

LisAway said...

I've never been a big vomitter but my morning sickness was HORrible for 17 weeks the first time and 22 the second. The last two haven't been too bad. But I've got the veins. I'll swap my veins for your morning sickness any day. ;)

(Sorry you're feeling so terrible!)

Cindy said...

You have obviously touched on a sensitive subject for women!!!

Sick with all four. Twelve/fourteen weeks with the first two, whole pregnancy numbers three and four. Laying in the hospital, in labour vomiting into numerous french fry size trays (why don't they just have massive buckets?!?!?!) with number four. The worst, however, may have been my first pregnancy that ended in a different kind of a miscarriage. I was so sick I couldn't eat anything. It was a super hot summer and we had one tiny fan in our apartment. I couldn't move except to run to the toilet ~ if I could make it! I remember being in the shower once and my husband, in the kitchen, opened the fridge door and I could smell it! I gagged as I screamed at him to close it. Whenever the stove was turned on I could smell the element heating. I could smell the dish soap on the clean dishes. I could smell the difference in tap and filtered water. And worst of all, and this occurred with all my pregnancies and was always one of my first indications I was pregnant, my husband had a horrible smell to me! It was difficult to want to be near him! It was so sad! I made my dad (dentist) clean his teeth in hopes it would help. No luck. Of course all of these smells made me sick! Oh the joys of pregnancy!!! But, for the most part :), so worth it!

CONGRATULATIONS!!! And hang in there!

The Fear Fam said...


I am so sorry you feel like crud. I hope that the pukeyness ends very soon. I am one of the annoying ones who don't get sick during my pregnancies, but I am small & all four of my kids have been mammoth, which means I endure months of "Are you SURE it's not twins?" comments, followed by having my skin cut open and a baby not-at-all-gently yanked out of me. So does that count for something? Just a teeny bit?

:) Congrats again!

Eric and Breanna Graham said...

congrats :) I believe I understand your pain more than any one right now. I've made no formal announcements, (though it's no secret) but am expecting too. I think I am 11 or 12 weeks (im always confused, and after my second baby I always lose track) I feel like puking 90% of the day. I usually feel better around 13 or 14's so close I can almost taste it :) Hope the Zofran helps, it's a miracle drug in my opinion.

P.S. I also see the man of few words AKA Dr.Beck. I may just see you around.

Kevin and Natali McKee said...

That's about how my 3rd pregnancy went, although I threw up most of all the other 4 ones as well. The 3rd pregnancy I threw up multiple times a day and then past 6 months it was once a day or I would get lucky and skip a few days, but I threw up the day before and the day of her birth....sorry! I feel for you!
Congratulations though! It all ends up being worth it doesn't it?

kamille said...

congratulations! i have been lurking on your blog for a little while now but haven't commented! it's kami larsen from the ward. anyways i'm really excited for you and i hope that you'll feel better sooner than later!

Julie said...

so sorry Kelly, I have no "sick" stories for you but don't you just LOVE Dr Beck?!

sarinahbrooks said...

Oh, friend..... I puked until a week before I delivered. My sweet Dh wondered why i ever bothered eating. I found out late after my second pregnancy that milkshakes... go in cold and yummy and come up cold and not so bad either. Really, with three bed-rested preg sessions with blood clots, I was glad to just hang with the Saltines and Canada Dry. (Little House on the Prairie re-runs didn't hurt either.) When you do feel up to eating and can keep it down, I would love to offer up some home cooked food for the taking! I will be your pickle bringing, crazy craving caterer if you so choose.

Sorry your feeling yuck. Congrats on the little one though. Very exciting to know i can hold your little bundle of sweet, baby powder smelling loving in March. Whew - I wouldn't know what i would have done! I am safe for at least another 9 to 12 months just cashing in on all your hardship. Hey Kel.... Thanks for getting pregnant! (Now to think of it, did you do it just so I could have a precious bundle to hold and then lure them into nursery?!!) :) (Really, call me , I WANT to help!)

cally said...

Oh gosh. I think every woman jumps at the chance to sahre baby barfy stories.

Okay, here goes. Zofran is the yummiest thing on earth. I puked so much during all 5 pregnancies and during all 45 months of them I had to have the Zofran pump. Meaning I had to stick myself in the blubby part of my belly or thigh every 2 days and insert attach a tiny tube connected to a not so tiny pump I had to wear in a fanny pack (yes I said fanny pack) which pumped a continuous supply of million dollar liquid Zofran (quite literally costs a fortune) into my system. I could push a button and get a boost when food came on tv. Arby's commercials took two boosts. The pump always came after spending 3 consecutive weekends at St. Mary's with iv's to rehydrate my dying puking body.

It stinks. I'm with ya. But the babies are cute.

Hail Mighty Zofran!

Tiffani said...

How exciting that another batch of babies is on its way to our ward! Congrats to you & Breanna! And your respective husbands. I am so glad I don't have to deal with being sick. I get to have c-sections though... not a fair trade, I'm sure. But it still sucks. Hope none of you lovely ladies have to put up with BOTH. YUCK. I'm so glad I am done with pregnancy for a while and that I just get to enjoy my cute little bundle of joy now.

CassiB said...

i wasn't throw up sick with mine i was i wish i could throw up maybe it would make me feel better sick. the worst part of my pregnancies is the no energy thing! i have low energy anyway but pregnancy just kicks my bootie, no energy at all. dr beck assisted my dr for my last c-section, that is how all of mine have come into the world. they had a crazy conversation while cutting into me and cauterizing and all that stuff they have to do. i remember them talking about different things people have brought in to cut the cord, i guess as long as it can fit in the flash they can use it. woah that got way off subject, sorry. CONGRATS!! and i hope you feel better soon.

Melissa Bastow said...

Once a pregnant woman told me that when she felt sick she would just go work out at the gym and she'd feel way better. I almost clawed her face off (good thing I wasn't pregnant myself at the time.)

Motherboard said...

Totally feel your pain on the puking thing. Did it an entire pregnancy with my third, which I was on bedrest for the entire time as well.

The things we endure to have little people.

I'm happy for you--puking and all. We can hold barf parties with you, if you want.

Beeswax said...

You ladies ARE making me feel a little better. Now I'm off to go finish a pan of lime jello.

Shanana said...

Congratulations!!! As for my avoidance of morning sickness... I did a lot of yoga when I was feeling pukey. But then I got bigger and became so much less bendy and had to just stick with deep breathing and going for walks.

I also HATED Saltines but was okay with "Carr's Table Water Crackers." ...Also dry and absorbent of gastric juices, but tastier. I guess my babies were much too snooty to deign to eat food that can be individually wrapped and offered for free at Denny's whenever you order a cup of soup. Whatever works, I guess.

Alpha Monkey said...

I puked at least once a day for the whole nine months with my second and third. I made my husband pull up the hallway carpet because just looking at the stain that was once a bean burrito would make me puke again.

I even puked for a bit AFTER having my baby with one of them.

I had one friend who puked so constantly she was on bedrest with IV fluids in a pic line.

Oh, but then you get a baby! And it is worth it.

Diamond in the Rough said...

Congrats on the baby!! I feel your pain. I hate up-chucking and with all my pregnancies have been super sick. Wish I would have known the water trick/tip! I just had a baby 2 weeks ago and though I was sooo happy to be pregnant and having another baby (since we've had our trials in that area) I had to vent on all the pain and bedrest and other ailments... it just makes you feel better to get it out and then I can almost always deal with it a little better.
With my first, third and fourth I was huggin' the porcelain thrown all day every day for 9 months! Feel better soon.

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