Monday, September 22, 2008

The one about how my pants fell down in Albertson's, and how my Saturday plans were foiled, but then I ate some stuff and now I'm in a better mood.

Instead of folding laundry (is already dried into wrinkled mess, so what's the hurry?), I will tell you some stuff. About my weekend.

Saturday morning I got up and looked up movies. Sister Jen and I planned to see The Duchess on Saturday evening. We've been planning this for quite some time. Jen hinted that she might even have some sort of matching Duchess regalia for us to wear to the show. Which pleases me a great deal. I clapped my hands together real close to my face and grinned hard when I heard that, because...

I enjoy me some regalia.

And also, I'm pretty nerdy.

Jen and I read the book Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire a few years ago, and we both dug it. I love these history monographs that are part biography, part social history, part ye olde thyme 18th century tabloid. (I spelled time like that to sound more more old-timey, not herbal). 

I read all the movie reviews, and they are not good. They complain that the movie ignores Georgiana's (Keira Knightley) political life and focuses on the steamy love quadrangle she gets into because her husband (Ralph Feinnes) is a no-fun, dog-breeding meany-face. Also, maybe she is a little bit slutty. In the book, you see she is a product of her corrupt environment, and so you determine that she isn't all slut and no substance. Unsurprisingly, though, Hollywood doesn't see her that way. But I was not dissuaded. Our date was still on.

But when I searched a 25 mile radius of my zip code for theaters showing Georgiana's big-screen, un-enhanced cleavage, nothing came up. So I widened my search. Then, I widened it again. 

And, then, one more time.

Whew. Something came up.


We'll be going to see The Duchess at 8:00 pm.

At the Landmark Theater.

On Pico Boulevard.

In Los Angeles.

Jake tells me, "You'd best be on your way, then, if you are going to make the show."

So we flew into LAX about 5 pm and had time for a quick bite before the show...

Nah. We didn't. The Duchess regalia is just going to have to wait for the movie to go into wider release.

So then I broke the bad news to Jen, who was in shock and denial for a bit. Then she snapped out of it, as she is a pragmatic sort of girl, and she quickly took charge, and found us a double date with some foxy ladies.

Hillary and Nedra. Hillary says she reads my blog but she doesn't ever comment. Let's see if she does this time...(Only she has a three week old newborn, so maybe she isn't actually reading any blogs right this second? Oh well.)

We went to Cafe Luxe at Fashion Place in Scottsdale. Which is brought to you by the same people who brought you Cheesecake Factory. Only at Luxe, they don't just have cheesecake, they have doughnuts. Frenchy doughnuts.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Tasty things I've tried there: mushroom burger, chicken pot pie (Hillary wore a happy, glazed expression while she consumed her pie, which was big enough to feed 4 big, athletic men, or one small mama, plus Jen and Kelly), and shaking beef (Jen and I shared). All delicious. Nedra had a salad that looked a lot like the luau salad at Cheesecake, only I didn't even make eye contact with it, since I was busy making doe eyes at the pot pie.

We ordered beignets (doughnut-type pastries with three dipping sauces) and the chocolate molten cake. Both worth the drive to Scottsdale, by themselves.

Nedra had just finished a 10 day, 230 mile backpacking trip through the Sierra Nevadas, and hasn't eaten treats for a year. I think we scared her a little with our intensely amorous foodiness.

I don't know if she'll go out with me again. I wonder if my hearty appetite is what scared off all the boys back in my single days? I still haven't pinpointed the reason all the boys didn't beat down my door like my parents promised they would do. Lucky I was able to nab the smart and pretty Jake, with the very dry wit that makes me laugh and laugh, and who knows a wench with a lusty appetite is a good find.

Er. Anyhow.

This morning I went to Albertson's and bought lots of chicken ($1.77 a pound plus $5 off $20 Fresh and Easy coupon equals cheap poultry, like $1.35 a pound). I'm going to can it tomorrow.

When Tommy and I returned home, we watched a House Hunters episode where the family is looking for a vacation home in Curacao. The family's actual home is 6,000 squares on 5 acres with a ginormous pool and 500 feet of private waterfront with a dock in North Carolina. The Dad says, as the camera pans the ocean, "so you can see why we need to get away from it all." Seriously? You need to get away from it all? Which part, exactly, are you so desperate to get away from? 

So I rewound that part, and watched it again. Cause I got nothing else to watch, yet.

And now, I sit here waiting for the mail to come and bring me my latest Ebay purchase, William Rast Savoy Wide Leg trousers in Princess wash (henceforth: WRSWLTP). And you might think that I have a little problem with discount designer denim. And you might be right. And you might think my poison is spreading to Shellie. And it is. 

But, see, I fired the gardeners, mostly because they didn't come, even though we paid them, usually. And another gardener friend of ours hinted that our gardener was having wife troubles and hitting the bottle too hard, which is why he didn't show up. So now I am the gardener, which I hate. But the good news is this: I've been spending all the money that might have gone to the boozing horticulturalist, on ebay pants, used books on Amazon, and sunblock. 

It is still 100 degrees out there, people! Somebody please call the Sonoran Desert and tell him that Autumn begins this week, and that he can dial it back just a bit. Thanks.

Also, I really needed the pants, because the old WRSWLTP I had were too big. I was over to the Albertson's last month, and as I reached long to grab some cheap meat (do you see a theme?), the old WRSWLTP fell down! To my knees! People! Is bad news! 

The new ones are four sizes smaller. So. Is good news! Am now safe to go to Albertsons! Oh, wait. I already did. Couldn't wait for the pants. Needed to get chicken before cousin Melly got there and cleared the place out.

So that's it. That's all I got. Now must go fold some clothes and cook up some cheap chicken for dinner.


Shellie said...

BENYAYS are my FAVORITE!!!!! yummyliscioso!

and yeah your poison did spread. I can't stop looking for these jeans. Now I'm thinking should I look for them in a smaller size since I still have some ellbees to drop?

what should I do??? tell me!

Natalie said...

4 sizes! Have you been dieting for a year?! It doesn't sound like it :)...why did you have pants 4 sizes too big? 'Tis a mystery. Maybe you were running out of embarrassing moments to blog about so you wore them on purpose? tee hee

Heidi Ashworth said...

I love the fictional historical stuff too! And I love your blog!

CASSIE said...

Nedra Tietjin? (I know I spelt her last name wrong)--Not that many Nedra's out there...if so...she's in my ward! So nice!

McEwens said...

So what I want to know is.....

Were the desserts part of the "BEESWAX SPECIAL???"

Kristen said...

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Heather said...

Wow, Kelly FOUR sizes smaller!! Go Kelly!! Like I said Sunday, post more about the fab places you go to eat! Can't wait to see the new jeans!

Adrian said...

Another Ebayer! I so admire a smart shopper. Other people are like "Oh, I paid $300 for this sweater" and I'm like "Sucker!!!". But when someone tells me they paid $3.00 for a great sweater, I'm like "You rule girl!".

I'm teaching my boys too. My 19 year old did all the grocery shopping this week (he works at Target now) and he used coupons and his employee discount and saved me $20. I was so proud.

Beeswax said...

Shellie: get em as tight as you can stand but still wear. Then when you do wear them, you won't eat because you'll be miserable (but look good, so also, happy), and soon they will fit just right. THen, when you lose so much they fall down at Albertsons, you save them til you have another baby or you sell them on ebay!

Natalie: yes, 4 sizes. I bought them after baby was born 2.5 years ago, and they were roomy 15 pounds ago but staying up well. on my hips, 15 lbs= about 3 sizes, probly.

Heidi: is not fiction! Georgiana Spencer was Princess Di's 4th great Aunt! But also, love fiction too.

Cassie: I'm sure is same Nedra. Jen said with such a unique name, Nedra is Mormon Oprah.

Lizzie said...

I saw our favorite chicken on sale, and I was thinking I would text you bout it....but then I figured you already knew. Seriously-Alby's has the best breasts! Too bad every one within a 40 miled radius of me is closed. Do they have them in LA too? Maybe we could fly there to buy chicken and see your movie??? But then we would have to get the chicken think we could can it there? :)

Jen said...

From one wench with a lusty appetite to another - that was funny. Except that now I'm hungry.

And there isn't a pot pie to be found!

But thanks anyway, it was worth it:)

Anonymous said...

HA HAAAAAA!! you are fuuuu---huuunny!!!!

and i am wondeing....4 flippin sizes?!?! dang girl....

Alyson said...

You have such a funny way in talking about everyday things. I missed your blog while I was webless!!

You'll be jealous to know that it is in the 70s in New England and the maples are turning red. Can you say BREATHTAKING?!

Renae said...

Did you know ALbertson's will sell it to you in a 40lb box? (I think it's 40) People might stare, but totally worth it. That always motivates me to get the canning done asap since I can't store boxes that big in my fridge. Also hoping for a picture in the new jeans when they come.

wonder woman said...

So Keira Knightly's in an olde thyme cinematic production where she's kinda slutty and doesn't act very well?

I never would've guessed.
I liked her in Priates #1. Just nothing since.

And you and Shellie are inspiring me to get on a diet! (I type this as I pop midgee tootsie rolls in my mouth.) I'd LOVE to have my pants fall to my knees in albertson's!

nevadanista said...

You can your own chicken? Wow! That's kind of more impressive than all the stuff on Esty. But thinking about all those chicken germs from pounds and pounds of chicken kind of creeps me out - and I'm not really even a germ freak.

So nice of you to visit (my blog).

nevadanista said...

I just want clarify that the thought of ME canning chicken gives me the creeps, not you canning chicken. I know I would have chicken stuff everywhere and the entire kitchen would be contaminated. I can only deal it in small amounts. But I'm sure you keep things better under control than I do. And now I sound like a total dork, but I think my previous comment sounded a little insulting, when I actually meant to be complimentary. Blog commenting can sometimes be a little tricky :)

Lorie said...

Wait! Albertson's takes coupons from Fresh and Easy? Where have I been?

Becky said...

Good to hear about someone who can actually deal with raw chicken. We had a dinner for a recent YW activity and the girls were a little squirmy (in the mildest sense of the word) at touching chicken tenders before they'd been cooked. C'mon ladies, dig right in!