Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Note to self: Do not buy Swiss cake rolls for "children's lunches"

Some child-o-mine is going to read this post title and say: 
Swiss cake rolls? I didn't get any Swiss cake rolls in my lunch.

And I will have to confess, sheepishly:
Why, no, you didn't, small person. You won't get one, neither. 

For they have all been consumed. Your mama ate them. She cannot be left alone in the house with the Swiss cake rolls. Is unsafe cake roll environment.

And so, you may never taste a Swiss cake roll, darling offspring of my heart, cause mama isn't buying any more, ever again. She has a little self-control problem with the cake rolls, even though they are a little bit grossy-ish. 

But they are cake. 
And they have a creamy filling. 

And that is enough for Mama. 

Who has low standards as well as low control over her baked good consumption.

Is a dangerous combination, mi hijito. 
(My tiniest poodly-puppy. My sandwich of ham. My itty-bitty cake roll.)

Es muy peligroso. 
(Mama thinks lots of people share her weakness. Otherwise, Hostess would not be doing such a brisk business.)

Poor Mama wishes she had some more Swiss cake rolls right now. 

28 comments:

wonder woman said...

Or dingdongs, or cupcakes.....methinks Ms. Hostess was a bitter woman who wanted to make everyone fat. I have also fallen for her ploys and "bought them for my children."

Lorie said...

That is why you will not find any Zingers in my house. I no longer buy them. And even if I did buy them, they wouldn't be in my house because I would be outside hiding the box in the garbage so my family wouldn't know I ate the entire box.

Zingers are of the devil!!

Lizzie said...

one time I was babysitting and the people I was sitting for bought a bunch of snacks for us-and they bought a box of those-I had 2...2 packs=4 rolls. Sorry if this is TMI but I barfed after and have never eaten them since. I guess I should be thankful for that, well at least my future children will be thankful because if I ever buy them-they will make it to their lunches.

Corrie said...

I put them in the fridge. Oh soooo good chilled! and somtimes I take my time to peel them apart bit by bit.
These were my dads favorite. We tried to make him a swiss cake roll b-day cake once and he has requested that he have a box placed lovingly in his arms as he is sealed into his coffin and lowered into the ground. He likes 'em.

jt said...

I was going to say the same thing...out of the fridge is the best. Good thing there are none here, I'd go get one now after this here commercial!

Heather said...

Oh, those swill cake rolls are YUM! So sorry for your little ones (what they don't know won't hurt them). I too like to peel them apart, sometimes eating the choc covering first then the cake! Mmmm.

Valerie said...

My children already (at 6 and 3) know to warn me: Don't eat all of it, okay Mom? Know what the fastest way to get me to eat something is? Tell me not to eat it...

Sorry little childrens, but mama has a sugar problem.

Gini said...

Tell the kids Grama will bring them some next time I'm over!!!

Shellie said...

you are so right they aren't even that good. I'm mean they're not like a Krispy Kreme donut or anything.

but they are there. they are chocolate, and they have a cream filling.

P.S. how long until Krispy Kreme donuts are the new "Battered and Deep Fried Food" at a fair?

Heidi Ashworth said...

Hmmmm, all of our Krispy Kremes have rolled up the sidewalks and left town. As to chocolate cake with creamy filling, you're right, they are kind of grossy--I suspect they put something in them that makes you crave them despite the kinda grossness factor. As for me, I dream of Ding Dongs tumbling from the freezer--literally. It's a recurring dream that I have. And they are never as good as I think they will be. sigh . ..

Shanana said...

Let's talk Nutty Bars.... (You know how Homer Simpson drools and makes gurgling noises every time he sees a donut? That's me with Nutty Bars--Also a bit gross-ish, but irresistible nonetheless.)

Mmmmmmm...

Oh! And Shellie, Krispy Kreme? Don't even get me started!

Jolene said...

I'm more of a Kelly B 1/2 red wheat homemade bread kind of girl. yummm...

Did I mention that already once?

Adrian said...

Oh no! Now you've given me a terrible craving for Swiss Cake Rolls. My Mom used to buy them all the time and I haven't hardly had them since she died. Yum...

Lisa said...

Oh dear. Poor deprived children.

I do the same thing only I lovingly bake "for them," share a little with them for dessert, and when they want some in their lunches the next morning? Sorry, kids. AAAAAALL gone!

Renae said...

I once crammed 11 (which is more than a whole box I might add) of the oatmeal creme cookies into my mouth on a dare and thoroughly enjoyed every second of it. I also love the white cakes with filling. Since they come in a 2 pack, I only let the kids take one in their lunch and then I eat the other(s) for breakfast. (I've only got their best interests in mind)

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure Swiss Cake Rolls are made by Little Debbie and not Hostess. Sadly, I know my snack cake distributors all too well (and I love them all even though they have that grossish waxy taste).

Pam said...

I agree - they are so naughty for us. They seem so small you think hmmm one won't hurt me until you realize that one turns into two and then...suddenly the box is empty before you know it. I usually blame the kids when Jon gets home and asks why they are all gone. Is that bad of me???? :)
I also agree chilled is best.

Kari said...

So, so glad it's not just me. Though you have actual school lunches to pack, so at least it is a legitimate line with true intentions. For me, the "I bought it for Jack's lunch and then I was tempted beyond my ability to withstand" falls apart back where one might point out that Jack attends half-day preschool.

McEwens said...

I do the SAME thing! Here is how you solve the problem, buy 2 boxes, one for them and one for you

Becky said...

Mmmm... Swiss rolls. De-lish! You know, I think maybe it's a good thing they didn't make it into the kids' lunches. I mean, kids are still growing, right? They need vitamin packed crap, uh, goodies. Like carrots or raisins or whatnot.

Kellie Buckner said...

Me love the Swiss cake rolls. I don't share either. Actually, I buy Oreos and then hide them from everyone else.

Leslie said...

ROFL!!! You kill me! And I have to go with Lorie...Zingers are my personal weakness!

cookingsherri said...

I totally understand your post even though, please forgive me, I don't like Swiss Cake Rolls. I hope you will still let me stalk and comment. I promise to eat way too many peanut M and M's if you think it will help our blogging relationship. You do think so, don't you?

P&M CLAN said...

Unfortunately I understand! I cannot have chocolate candy in the house! I will keep it high so the kids can't get it, but then i'll munch on it and before I know it it's all gone! Did I really eat all of that?

Kelly you are seriously funny!! I like reading your blogs!

Heather said...

Oh the swiss cakes and the nutty bars!! Yum. I don't buy them anymore either. It's easier that way. They are oh so good, but oh so bad for you. I like them frozen though, oh now you have me wishing I had one. Thanks :)

heather said...

You are so stinkin' funny!

This is it said...

Way too funny... you leave seriously so blessed in your dust.

Joe said...

Kel, I too have a weakness for such morsels. Mel won't buy them b/c she things they're gross, but you and I know better.