The schizo blogger: she's me, only blonder

A few people that know me in real life have read my blog and commented:

"Your blog is so fantastic! So funny! So witty!"

(Okay, only a VERY few, but still).

"Ah, golly" I say, looking at the ground, but smiling, real big and toothy.

"But, you know" they continue 

"it just doesn't sound anything like you. At all."

Ah. 

There's the rub. 

That's because that girl who writes the blog? She isn't me. She is cooler than me, and cuter than me, and smarter than me. She's more excited about everything than I am. I'm sort of even-tempered. Not easily excited. Which seems sort of boring. For a blog.

She's also sort of witty.

And me? 

No, I'm not entirely witless.

I'm more of a half-wit, maybe?

Because I can't come up with pithy come-backs and quippy anecdotes on the fly. 

So maybe I'm just a little slow-witted.

Blog girl talks about cool subjects that make her life sound carefree and fascinating. She only complains about things that seem sort of cool to complain about (oh, poor me! I got too skinny and my pants fell down! That sort of thing). She only gets zits or PMS if it serves her writing purposes. She is only seen in pictures that she chooses you to see. She can spell check everything that comes out of her mouth, and research it on wikipedia, before anybody reads it.

Her name is Beeswax. And she is a lot like me, certainly. But she is also a little bit Elle Woods, because she is smart but ditsy. And zealous. I'm not really so air headed or full of righteous indignation.

Being indignant is fairly exhausting, actually. Kelly cannot sustain indignant very long. If I try to hold a grudge, I need a nap.

Beeswax is also a little bit Bridget Jones, because she likes to be worried about her food intake (real Kelly doesn't much care, she just eats as she likes. And she likes, mind you. Kelly also likes to write about food, so faux worrying about it in words, and feeling fake guilty is a good excuse.) Beeswax, like Bridget, is a little neurotic, and leaves lots of small, unimportant words out of her sentences. Beeswax also wants to be in a movie with Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, like Bridget was. But she doesn't think that's going to happen. Unless this blog really takes off. Beeswax is also a wannabe Brit. Okay, Kelly too, kinda. She'd like dual citizenship. All of us, except Elle. Who is true red, white and blue. Except, the Union jack is also red, white and blue, which could be confusing to Elle, and Beeswax. But not Kelly. She gets it.

Basically, Beeswax is like Kelly, only just a little bit blonder.

So you see, there are lots of us here on my blog. Kelly, Elle, Bridget, Beeswax. Sometimes Elizabeth Bennet pops in for biscuit and tea. 

Maybe on all the blogrolls, I should also be listed under "group blogs"? In the interest of full disclosure? Since we are so crowded over here?

Or maybe, it is really just the two of us. 

Me, and Beeswax. 

I cannot psycho-analyze myself effectively, but you need not fear. 

We might have multiple personalities, but we are all totally harmless.

***Update***

I wrote this some time ago, but I didn't publish because I was afraid you would think that my blogging pants were on fire. That Beeswax is just a character I play on the internets, like Seriously, So Blessed, only not as good or funny. But then Sue wrote THIS, and I thought, yes, that's it! Like Sue! (Only still maybe not as good or funny).

And since everybody loves Sue, and nobody shunned her even a little bit (that I know of) for her disclosure, she gave me the courage to come out of the blog closet, schizo-blogger-wise-speaking. 

You can fer shur shun me, if you want. But not if it means you no longer leave comments.

Shun.

Un-shun.

Please comment on my schizo blog personality, or yours, if you have one, too. Or if that bores you, talk to me about The Office from last night. How about Kelly's tape worm, eh?