Thursday, January 07, 2010


I am 30 weeks pregnant. I am very, very large (have already gained more than recommended for entire pregnancy), and so I feel like humpty-dumpty (except nobody tried to squeeze humpty into too-tight sweat pants, which would have put him into very poor mood, believe you me.). My back is in bad shape, so I waddle and limp. I itch. Everywhere. Can't treat it with the corticosteriods I normally can. I got rashes that even my OBGYN declined to see (Although, he was very helpful in treating the second degree burns I gave myself while making strawberry jam for my neighbors a couple weeks ago, when everybody told me fudginity wasn't a good idea). My feet and ankles like to swell up to twice their size and stay that way until I lie down for two days. I haven't had a haircut or color since May. I have acid reflux. I can't sleep, so I am up reading novels every morning from about 2-5. Plus, my hormones are all wacky, so I'm whiny (as you can see), mean as snot, and mildly depressed.

Does anybody else get this way during pregnancy? Cause normally, I have this special gift (I call it a tender mercy) that allows me to look in the mirror and see something better than the actual reflection. Remember how I like to think I'm medium foxy? Well, no more. Now, I have no delusions. I am the anti-fox.

The funny part is, it all goes away when I have the baby. Within a week of the birth, I am strutting about like a supermodel. Just a couple days after Sam was born (he was still in the NICU, which should have been depressing in itself)), I remember donning a pair of big, stretchy pants and going to Sunday dinner at my parents' house, thinking: I look GOOD. Who's going to notice this giant jello belly, when I got this fabulous rack (really, was a very nice, if temporary, rack, but I did NOT look good)? (And somehow, I weighed more leaving the hospital after Sam was born, than when I went in. How this occurred is mystery of the universe.) (As is my weird talent for beer-goggling myself. Without the beer.)*

Anyhow, you know all that stuff I just whined about? Multiply it by three (even the double decade weight gain), then ask me if I'd trade it back for all the nausea and the puking.

The answer is NO. No way. Big, itchy, tired, and mean is WAY better than sick.

(Oh. And about the post title. I have a thing for colloquial speech. I love me some slang, or even better, a new idiom. I collect them like one might stamps, or shoes, or snow globes. Whinge is an especially lovely verb because, to me, it sounds even a bit more onomatopoeic than its cousin, the whine. And if you you called someone a whinger, well, it sounds a little naughty. Not sure why.)

* If you attended the University of Arizona (or any other party school) like I did, you'd think this was hilarious.

So, do you feel down during pregnancy? Or after?

Do you itch? What kid of lotion do you use?

When you look in the mirror, is the reflection you see better or worse than, or exactly true to, life?


Amy said...

Please don't think I am a crazy bog stalker, I'm really not. I have no idea how I came upon your blog, but I do have you on my reader so I am required to read your posts - it's a good thing I think you're funny.

So, the question that made me come out...Did I itch? HOLY CRAP, YES! With my first PG I itched like crazy. My Dr. said it was something called PUPPS (look it up). I tried all kinds of lotions, but the only one that would kind of work was Aveno creamy oil lotion. It is very light. I also took benedryl beause the Dr. said it would be fine. Mine got so bad I couldn't wear clothes because anything that would touch my skin would make it itch even worse.

When it gets really bad and you can sit around and do nothing, take and ice pack and just place it on the itchy spot. It numbs it enough that you forget about it until the next spot flares up.

Good luck. (that is not said with any sarcasm what so ever)

wonder woman said...

I've started getting itchy. Pregnancy and horribly dry winter mountain air do not a good combination make.

And I actually like my pregnancy body better than when I'm not. Probably because I carry all extra poundage in my belly anyway, and so it disappears when I'm pregnant. But I feel HUGE. My belly feels heavy. I'm EXHAUSTED by 9:30 am.

Barbaloot said...

Uh-as yet I have no idea how pregnancy will affect me. But you can take comfort in the fact that I will probly be finding out when you're happily finished with pregnancy life. Or even changing diaper life.

La Yen said...

Aveeno makes this new anti-itch lotion. It is pretty good. And I second the ice packs. And I would absolutely trade itching and mean for the ridonkulous amount of yakking that has been going on up in here.

And we always use whinging. It is MUCH more satisfying to yell at a preschooler.

acte gratuit said...

Sometimes I start scratching my shin with my opposite heel...until I've accidentally rubbed the skin off. And yet even having the skin removed doesn't remove the itch! My legs just keep itching under the scabs!

I just bought Dove Extra Moisturizing body wash to use in the shower to supplement the Aveno lotion I use right when I get out. It's maybe a tiny bit better? But I still get itchy. I hate itchy. That's actually one symptom I've had with every pregnancy.

As for my foxiness, the other day someone knocked on our front door, and before I could stop him, Gabe ran to answer it. LUCKILY, it was just Doug. But just to check, I went in the bathroom to see what I would have looked like had it been a Japanese Maintenance man.

This is what I saw: Me wearing my new fluffy pink bathrobe, no tie because the boys have already lost it. (It makes me look like a giant pink marshmallow.) When pulled snuggly around me, I saw that my butt sticks out just as far as my stomach. (Which is already big enough to have a 13 pound baby in it.)

My hair was greasy, my skin vampire pale, and my face scowling at its reflection. I also have gained way too much weight and can never again pretend it's just in the belly. (Shudder at the bum memory!)

I was so depressed I ate all fruit for lunch and then was STARVING to death by dinner. So I ate twice as much as normal. (And then ate chocolate while watching 24 later.)

Plus, the weather is crappy and gray so that's making me feel completely un-energetic and depressed.

So yeah. I feel your pain.

Geez, isn't this an uplifting comment? I think I'll just shut up now!

Here's to GIVING BIRTH!!! Hooray!!!

Bee said...

I love the word whinging and I love to whinge. As for pregnancy, I hardly remember it.

One day that will be you! The years of parenting teenagers will just wipe your memory clean.

Sorry about the itching, though.

Jodi said...

The full-length mirror in my bedroom is slightly warped, so I always look the skinniest in it. But in my mind that mirror is normal and every other one is warped.

Audra MacK said...

I actually LOVE LOVE LOVE being pregnant. Love how I feel, have tons of energy, love my body and feel euphoric most of the time. And while you are hating me for this, let me tell you that I feel completely opposite the rest of my life. I itch all the time. I am dead by 10:30 am and dislike the mirror. But alas, I am done having babies but got to enjoy it five times.

Sorry you are feeling so rotten. Good thing the reward is so awesome.

Claire said...

My damage is done after the baby comes out. A couple of 10lbs babies have left me walking like John Wayne. The hormones have left me with a moustache that I HATE, but that my beautician LOVES (more £££ for her) and I have also been left with the desire for no more kids, and a feeling of wanting to perform a home vesectomy on the husband, with nothing but a blunt knife and a couple of rubber bands.

mandi said...

well- i'm one of those annoying people that love being pregnant. so i'll just be quiet about that and move onto anti-itch remedies-

i would try
1. unrefined coconut oil- nutiiva is what i use- just slab it on. it will sink in, and you will turn into a sexy tropical lady
2. if that doesn't work for the itchiness maybe some calendula cream
3. and if that doesn't work mix the 2 and throw in some lavender essential oil

hope one of these is the miracle you're looking for!

Azúcar said...

I don't feel gross until I am postpartum, and then hoooooo-boy, am I a hot mess.

A hot mess with 1987 hair.

Azúcar said...

p.s. I had PUPPPs too. It is HORRENDOUS. It was worse than the labor. I am not joking. I had prescribed creams that wouldn't help the itching. Gag.

Brett and Shireen said...

Can I say that Claire is hilarious?

I did itch, and I did swell, and I barfed a lot... but I did all of those things while on bed rest for a really, really, rediculously long time. It was horrid. I winged all the time, cried a lot, and in general, was a miserable hag.

For the itching, I used heavy duty eucerin and it helped. Didn't keep the stretch marks away though.

Good luck Kel, can't wait to check out your nice rack after you have the kiddo.

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

Kay girl, that post was like the best birth control ever!!! Love it, haha!!! And if I wasn't anxiously trying for a lil' wee one myself, that post would've driven the nail into my womb...yikes! Do I really wanna be preggo again!?!?! Hahah! Hope it speeds by for you!!!

Brittany said...

someday Kelly I will send a picture of me when I was pregnant with my first & you will look at it and say, "who is this fat ball-like girl & why is she sending me pictures." Thank you for reminding me why 3 is enough & for making me feel better about my own unnatural capacity to put on 1/2 my body weight despite puking up much of what I eat while I am pregnant.

the fowlers said...

I just ran across your blog on MMB and had to follow. I'm 35 weeks right now and I actually had that same Humpty-Dumpty thought the other day . . . except I decided it was more like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

For my itchy belly (and actually, itchy thighs are my problem lately) I love Gold Bond. It doesn't smell very pretty, but I sure love how it tingles. It really helped me out.

I'm with you with the acid reflux. I often wake up choking on burning bile . . . TMI.

Anyway, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one going through this right now. :)