Friday, June 24, 2011

If only I had a barn to raise them in.

Sometimes raising boys is a great pleasure.

Like when little Sam had an imaginary hermaphroditic friend. Kaner got his/her own ornament on the Christmas tree in back in '06.

But then, sometimes it's not as much fun.

Like last week, when I found my five-year-old son using my favorite houseplant as a toilet.
I'm not sure if its now imminent demise can be attributed to the urine, or to the sunscreen he sprayed on it the week before, but either way: 

go toward the light, little umbrella plant. I hate to see you suffer so.

I do believe that hearing stories of your children's uncivilized, destructive, immoral, sacrilegious, and possibly feral or felonious behaviors will comfort me at this time.

Please share.


The redhead said...

One day my son told me that saying "duck" with a "d" was too hard, and that it was much easier to say duck with an "f" instead. I didn't understand his male logic but it sure was an interesting day.

JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

I was driving with my three kids across country alone. Insane, I know but still with a traveling husband I have needs that must be addressed by family. So my son is whiiiiiiiiiiiiining about needing to go potty, but we seriously just got started on the road again.

Finally I just told him to use an empty bottle.


For the rest of the trip I found soft drink cups, mini milk bottles, and a seemingly endless supply of water bottles filled with pee. When we got home he peed in the corner of the play tent, the garbage can, (twice) and possibly a few trees in the yard.

It was a real problem.

My husband threatened to cut his pecker off. That may or may not be why it stopped. However, he still whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiines.

Kari said...

A week after moving in, my seven-year-old was playing on the dirt-hill-covered vacant lot next door, when he and his friend decided to toss rocks at the windshield of a neighbors parked car. Until they were caught and they ran. It literally left their brains the minute they left the hill, until the neighbors called and ratted them out. We got to our Jack first, and his friend ran and hid. He tried to pull off the "it wasn't my idea" and "I only threw one--and missed" crap, but we weren't buying. He emptied his piggy bank and we made the trip down the street to apologize, hand over every cent he had and work out the slave-labor plan. The windshield was a mess of spiderwebs. It was all we could do to not strangle him--what was he thinking?
Grounded for over two weeks while he worked off his debt. I'm glad it happened at seven instead of seventeen when he has access to a BB gun and a car.
This too shall pass.
Won't it?

acte gratuit said...

Once I caught my nephew squatting and pooping on the back porch while trying to encourage his brother and neighbor to do the same.

Gray scooted himself down the front steps the other day leaving a squirt of poop on each one. Later he pooped in the sink where I was cleaning him from the previous poop. He poops a lot, that little Gray...

Sam wet the bed and shoved his peed-in clothes under the bed for me to find days later. (Oh, the smell...)

Max has ADD and can't be bothered to give his full attention to aiming when he he usually sprays half the room.

Gabe is usually pretty good, but he does leave the house before 7am and goes to the neighbors to play. (My friend sends him home. I keep sleeping...)

I took Sam to jail for hitting not too long ago...probably scarred him for life...

Wait, what were we talking about again? I suddenly feel horribly overwhelmed and tired!

acte gratuit said...

Oh, and Redhead;
Gabe, my 4-yr-old, used to call his big brother Max "Aass"
and now calls his little brother Gray "Gay-Gay".
And my 9-yr-old thinks "DOUCHE!" is a really cool sound affect...
Oh, boys!

Beeswax said...

I knew you guys would make me feel better!

My sister just reminded me of the time my son Sam went into her side yard and pooped on a paper plate.

Thora said...

My five year old daughter took some royal blue craft (acrylic, not washable, unfortunately) paint and did a mural on her bedroom wall - we tried washing it off, right after she did it, but it's going to need to be primered and repainted (and we live in a rental). fun times.

Noah said...

Noah decided that the dog needed a bath and poured the huge gallon bubble refill jug over the dog the other day! Then I guess he realized that maybe that wasn't such a great idea so went off to do something else instead. Went to let the dog in and it took a bit of detective work to figure out just what happened. The kicker was that he whined the entire time that I made him help me give the dog a bath to get the bubbles off of her!

And then of course there is the relentless, Can I pee on a tree? Can I pee in this bottle?

And Ari has been banned from peeing standing up anymore. That boy is just way too crazy with his aim that even the daycare was starting to complain. Luckily he seems alright with sitting for now. Guess I need to get out some cheerios so we can practice on that aim ;)

Kristen said...

Boys are like dogs. You have to run em into the ground, and they still find the energy to chew on your furniture.

Bethany said...

I do not not have children, but I have learned with the 2 male foster dogs I have that a harness, leash and a 2 hour enforced trek up and down the hills in the sweltering heat always seems to zap any energy they have for misbehaving. Feel free to use any of the above idea's to reign in your clan. :)

Bethany said...

What's with the comment approval? This is censorship! The whole point of commenting on other peoples blog is to stay stupid and innapropriate where will I go? hahahah

Tiffani said...

Hi Kelly,
Its been a while since I stopped by!
My terribly sacrilegious story goes like this:
The hubby has taught our potty-training boys to pee outside on bushes, plants, trees, rocks, wherever from the day we take off the diaper. My brother was getting married in the St George Temple not long after Aiden (3 at the time) had finished the training process. My sister was the only family member not in the temple and was watching both Aiden & Zack (8 months at the time) when she looked over and Aiden had dropped trow and started peeing on the bushes on the temple grounds. Not much you can do at that point but let him finish and tell him NEVER EVER to do it again!