Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Post Traumatic Stress Shopping Denial Paralysis

Seriously, I have no time for this. I am officially an idiot just for sitting down at the computer. I just started Christmas shopping a few days ago. (Oh, except for your present. I've had that for months. I had to order it early so it could arrive from Europe in time for Christmas! And except for the kids. My Mom forced me out to Toys R Us one early December evening.) Anyway, I was in shopping denial. But now I've totally snapped out of it, and I'm in post traumatic stress shopping denial paralysis. That means I am no longer in denial, but still cannot shop because the anxiety created by waiting so long to shop, and potentially having to go to a mall, has left me paralyzed with fear and loathing. It is very serious. You should send me cards and presents. Or comments.

Plus, my house is a big wreck, even though Jake did dishes last night which was very, very nice. I don't want to say the house is a big wreck, then have him read that, and think I don't appreciate all the dishes he did.

Then he might go on strike like the dang-blasted TV writers. Am growing angry with money-grubbing TV people, who fight amongst themselves and victimize me! Do you think it would help if I started up a collection and sent it to writers of The Office? You can all send donations to my paypal account. I'll match any donations up to $5.00. Unless I have 300 crazy Office-watching lurkers. In which case I'll have to choose between matching your donations and buying Jake a Christmas present. And really, that's a no-brainer. Jake washes my dishes, and fathers my children, and all you lurkers do is read my blog without even leaving a comment. I totally love comments. But even if you left me comments, comments aren't as good as clean dishes. Lo siento, lurkers.

11 comments:

Beehive Properties said...

You don't need to get me a christmas present, your daily blog posts are enough for me!

Sue said...

I can't believe you are procrastinating your Christmas shopping! I am shocked! I would never do such a thing! Ever!

Oh, wait...

I'm with you on the strike. Get it DONE people!

Lizzie said...

So shopping is pretty much my favorite hobby. So if you need a friend, or a support group to get through the PTSSDP, give me a call.

P&M CLAN said...

I'm so glad mine is all done! Good Luck! Now I have tons of baking to do for goodie plates!

jt said...

I need some spanish classes. i'm with liz, read my blog today. we'll go shopping anytime, even with kids.

melissa-good job on being done. i don't think i'm ever "done".

Brett & Shireen said...

I am with you on the PTSSDP, I have one gift left to buy for Grandma Brown and I can't bring myself to make the trip to Target to get it. The parking lot alone causes my eye brow twitch to flare up. Yes, you heard me.

It was fun seeing you today, I hope your shopping after lunch was successful.

Hailey said...

Uh, my house is a wreck and I'm supposed to leave tomorrow and I'm going to say it--I hate wrapping presents. How's that for Christmas spirit? And all I want for Christmas is for the writer's strike to end but that sounds like wishing for a good old-fashioned Christmas miracle.

Also, I told a friend yesterday that I didn't even care if he actually read my blog, as long as he left a comment. Comments are key.

Jenni said...

Ok dear, here's a token comment for ya. NOt even leaving anything brilliant. Just boosting the numbers for ya! =) (By the way, can we hire Jake to do dishes next week?? We're gonna be up to our ears in them in Scottsdale!)

Kelly said...

No, I think I've led you to think I don't like shopping. I LOVE shopping, just not when everyone else is trying to get the same toy and parking space that I want. We am going to NYC in bitterly cold January, because last time we went the week after Thanksgiving and got mobbed.

I recommend paper plates in Scottsdale. Give me a call if you guys get out and do something without kids. I'll join ya!

Thanks for all the comments. They are giving me a warm special feeling in my heart.

Joe said...

You know, being tagged with the "lurker" moniker is causing me to feel a tad bit seedy, if you know what I mean. Makes me want to do some dishes to get that clean feeling back.

Kelly said...

You're only a lurker if you've never left me a comment, Joe.