From the mouths of babes. (Other than me, I mean.)

On the dangers of mid-earth travel

Sam: Mom, I know why it is so dangerous to travel to the center of the earth.
Me: Why?
Sam: Because if you go down there you can break the heart of the earth.

On scamming the Easter Bunny

Ross at Layton egg hunt: Hey Grandma. I didn't get any candy at all. Just money. So I bought a whole bag of candy from that other kid for only a dollar! (What he isn't saying: he went around shaking eggs, only picking up ones that sounded like cash). In the end, he gets the cash and the candy. Grandpa Ross was very proud of this scheme.

On 'Who's your puppy?'

Tom: Daddy! (he's pointing to our wedding portrait in the hall.)
Me: Yes, Tommy. That's Daddy.Who's this? (Pointing to myself in picture.)
Tom: Daddy!
me: Here. In the big white dress. MMMM....
Tommy: Puppy?
Me: No, Tommy. Right here. You know, the lady who feeds you and loves you and keeps your backside feces-free? Who's this?
Tom: Puppy. Puppy! Woof.

On how all great kid parties include pedicures for Mom:

Jane chose a day out with Mom for her 7th birthday, instead of a party this year. Itinerary:
Mall for new Webkinz
Lunch at Flancers
Enchanted at Dollar movies
Pedicures

It was a tough job, but somebody had to take her. Grandma and Grandpa Layton and Ryan met us for lunch, then Grandma came with us to the movies. I think I liked Enchanted better than Jane did. This was my kind of party. Jane loved it and blogged about it thoroughly. She's over yonder under "Janie."

Are we going to do it again next year, babe? I'll save the date.