Saturday, December 06, 2008

Oh, no, you didn't (wear that shirt to the Twilight movie)!

Oh, yes I did.

Jen got it last Christmas at a white elephant exchange, and gave it to me. I've been saving it for the perfect occasion.

It says: My heart belongs to my husband, but my neck belongs to Edward.

Somebody made it on her computer as a joke, and the letters were peeling up, and I am 35 years old, and I WORE IT OUT IN PUBLIC.

I went to see Twilight last night. I know I'm a little late. I'd heard it was pretty awful, so I wasn't expecting much. I have read all the books, but if you know me at all, you know I am not at all picky about my literary intake. I'm not proud if this, I'm just telling you so you know that when I read like 2000 pages of syrupy romantic teen vampire cheese, it doesn't mean I am fully invested.  I consume all kinds of literature, willy-nilly. (For instance, I am right now concurrently reading Gilead by Marrilyne Robinson, which won a Pulitzer Prize, and Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging, by Louise Rennison, which has not. Yet. 

Okay, fine. I'm lying. I'm actually reading the 4th book in the snogging series, who's target audience is fast 12-year-old girls.)

So, anyhow, what I want to know is: what's not to like about the Twilight movie? 

Sure, we could talk about cheesy dialogue, or shoddy camera work, or how that Jasper character didn't talk or move his face, and looked like he was wearing a rubber Josh Groban mask. Honestly, though, I didn't care. I can see good acting anytime, but where else can I see the stink-eye elevated to an art form? (Edward is a natural talent). Because, this movie had me from the first moment the Cullens entered the Forks High cafeteria. I was laughing hysterically while Edward sat next to Bella in Biology, sniffing about like he smells the worst fart ever, and throwing up a little in his mouth. Looking back, I'm not sure I OUGHT to have been laughing, perhaps it was meant to be a serious moment, but the terrific campiness was what took this movie from a 7 on the fabulous teen movie entertainment scale to a 10. Okay, maybe 9.5. But still, I ask you again: 

what's not to like?

I actually want to know! So, if you aren't tired of talking about it, please discuss. And if you so desire, please rate it on the fabulous teen entertainment scale.

23 comments:

Heidi Ashworth said...

I'm waiting until it comes out on DVD (I don't actually pay to watch many movies on the big screen) but from what I have heard from my less than discerning 13 year old daughter who has, unaccountably, seen it twice, is that those funny parts?--they aren't supposed to be funny. Plus everything else you said. That's why people say it is bad. You said it funniest, though.

Laura said...

My mom, sisters and I all saw it the day after Thanksgiving. Seriously, the movie was hilarious. We all read the books (and kind of thought they were a little campy) but seeing the movie all of us cracked up at "those" points in the movie. The part I found most hilarious was that we were the ONLY ones in the theater lauging, which I totally didn't understand.

One Sassy Mama said...

I went in with low expectations and it definitely lived up to those. It was very funny--the entire audience (comprised of teens and moms) giggled through the whole of it. Still my teenager--the target audience--LOVED it--she even had tears in her eyes during the dance at the end. What the?

My SIL has seen it three times and assures me that it gets better every time--I'll have to give it another chance when it comes to the Supersavers...

nevadanista said...

I went with a group of ladies from my ward. There were 43 of us at final count (possibly a record), and I haven't laughed, or tried to repress laughter, so much in a movie EVER! My eyes were watering throughout. It was fabulous!!! The meadow scene is film school material for campiness.

Thanks for stopping by my blog :)

Kristen said...

I laughed my head off the whole movie...in that Biology scene like you said, and when Edward throws himself off of Bella saying he had more self control than he thought, freakin hilarious. And when they ripped the head off of James, sick I know, but it just looked funny. "Hold on tight, spidermonkey." So gay! It is good for teens, and you have to go with low expectations so you don't get disappointed. I was very disappointed in Jacob. I actually like him, but he is so young and not hot in the movie. You know you are getting old when you are checking out Charlie more than the vampires. James was pretty hot though.

Jolene said...

It was super low budget, campy and funny in parts that probably weren't supposed to be funny. But, I will see it again when it goes to the supersaver and then I'm sure we will buy the DVD. My teen-age daughters loved it.

It was true to the book for the most part which just makes me wonder why I like the books so much. I don't know if I really liked them or, like you, I will read anything!. The only part of the movie I really had a problem with was when it did not stay true to the book at the end. In the dance studio in the book Carlisle and Edward are looking over broken Bella - Carlisle administers morphine for her obviously broken leg. They notice her bite and Edward figures out he has to such the venom out - which he does until he tastes the morphine in his mouth.

In the movie - Edward is sucking the venom and has to be stopped by Carlisle before he kills her. I think that just that little fact puts in to question Edwards will power. I know I am thinking too much about this and that this is a super long comment. But it kind of bugs me. Thanks for listening.

Azúcar said...

It was seriously the funniest movie I've seen all year.

Be prepared to get the stink eye from some folks when you laugh the whole way through.

On the Teen Movie entertainment scale--a 9!

Heather A said...

9.5, totally. Exactly like you said it, right? The acting; way cheesy, yes. But isn't that pretty much how teenagers act? Eh? And I personally do think those parts were meant to be funny. Everyone in my theater was laughing. So maybe not funny to tweens, who take all things seriously and love drama, but for sure for the rest of us.
Love your blog by the way. I even thought we had tons in common until I read your NY post, and you are way cooler than me.

Krystal said...

If you saw the movie with high expectations you might be a little disappointed, but since I saw it with low expectations I kind of liked the movie. It was cheesy and funny and cute. Maybe it was an 8 on a scale of 1-10? But, I think the really really die hard Twilight fans really really loved the movie...they might say it was a 10.

This is me said...

I think the movie was awesome in a "I can't believe I just spent two hours of my life watching that" kind of way. Or, in my case, four hours since I've seen it twice. You just can't take it too seriously, that's for sure. Just sit back and enjoy the cheesiness of it all. If you over-think or over-analyze it, you lose all the fun. I give it a solid 9.

wendy said...

I have a love/hate relationship with the books, and the same feeling fell into place with the movie. The only movie-specific thing I didn't like is that almost everybody's teeth were unearthly white. It didn't fit the general feel of the movie at all. Such a petty thing, but I was really bugged!

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

I just saw it today and I mostly enjoyed it. It got a LOT better after he revealed he was a vampire. Before that some of the High School scenes were a little cheesy - that girlfriend of hers was ghastly. But Edward was yummy and I seriously LOVED Jacob! Not bad for a first effort and I am definitely excited about the sequel.

wonder woman said...

I LOVED THE MOVIE.

That's all I have to say.

Not really. Wasn't a big fan of how edward glittered, or the fact that Eric was gay, but I STILL LOVED IT. Loved the score, too. I'm actually going to buy it.

And I wore a shirt that (gulp) *I* made to the show.

When else are we going to where them?

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Love your review with a super funny twist. Still, I haven't been convinced to see the movie. I just refuse and I'm pretty dang stubborn.

Oh, but my daughter has seen it twice this weekend! I hang my head in shame.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Love your review with a super funny twist. Still, I haven't been convinced to see the movie. I just refuse and I'm pretty dang stubborn.

Oh, but my daughter has seen it twice this weekend! I hang my head in shame.

Nichole said...

I was pretty burnt out on the books so I had really low expectations of the movie. I actually really liked it and thought they followed the book well considering the time restraint of the movie. It was cheesy just like the book was cheesy. I thought Edward played his part but I was picturing him my kinda hot like a Brad Pitt or someone with a baby face so that was a let down for me but he grew on me a tiny bit by the end. It has me sucked in to see how they do the next one for sure.
Also just so you know we own Monty Python and my kids just watched it all Thanksgiving weekend so you are not alone. When I really started listening to the words in the movie I thought maybe it wasn't such a great idea. Luckily they dont get anything that is says.

Lorie said...

I haven't seen it yet, so I can't discuss.

Lizzie said...

I went with Ryan's sister and her 3 daughters ages 10- 15 and his sister and I were laughing pretty much throughout the whole thing and her daughters were telling us to shut up because they liked it. My favorite was when they showed Edward "sparkling" in the sun. LAME!!!

BTW-did you notice the author in the movie "here is your veggie plate stephanie" during one of the diner scenes

Frumpy Luv said...

I thought it was fun!! yes, love your shirt. Poor edward will never live the fart smelling face down, but hey! All in all a great teen/married old woman flick!

Claire said...

I don't anything about this Twilight movie. But I can comment on your t-shirt thing. I'm 32 and still have my Backstreet Boys t-shirt. From back in the day before Nick was shaving. And AJ was sober. Word. I'm still hip.

Shellie said...

oh man! that was probably the best post I've read about the twilight movie!!

Kellie said...

The movie was fine with me. I thought the sparkly sun scene could have been better. After seeing it I was sure I'd be fine never seeing it again except for in those rare moments out of the house without the kids and with the girlfriends watching a chick flick kinda thing, but now I find myself wanting to watch it again in a masochistic Napoleon Dynamite kinda way.

angela michelle said...

haven't seen it yet. my teenager is a boy and he's confused and a little grossed out by all the fuss over Edward. he even read the first two books to try and figure it out.