Dear friends and family,
(I like that I can spell Chanukuh however I like and it is totally kosher).
Hmmm...Feliz ano nuevo!
I really need to find the tilde key, because I think without it, I may have just wished you a happy anus.
I can't write anus in a Christmas letter. I'm sending this to my grandma. And Jake's grandma, too. Who didn't know me as a child, and might think I'm a hussy, with all this potty talk.
Okay, let's see. What's up with the Beeswaxes?
Let's do this thing in reverse weight order.
Tommy is 2.5 years old. He enjoys telling me "NO!," eating entire jars of applesauce (which makes for a not-so-feliz ano), and pulling Jane's hair to make her scream.
We are all surprised and thrilled that Sam, 5, hasn't gotten kicked out of Kindergarten. Yet. Is a miracle, people.
Jane, 7, ate oysters at the Chinese Super Buffet one time. She's a foodie like her Mom, but with her Dad's backside. Sometimes, life isn't fair (for the Mom). Jane is pretty much a genius at riling boys up and then telling on them so they get grounded from the Wii. I'm not sure how this skill will serve her in adulthood.
Ross, 9, wants to read the Twilight books because he ran out of Harry Potters, Nancy Drews, Eragons, and cereal boxes. I told him no way, jose. Go watch Weird Al videos on YouTube like a good boy, and stop bugging me about books.
Jake is busy fixing other people's garbage disposals.
Kelly's cousin Melanie gave her the biggest tin of Almond Roca east of the San Andreas Fault, because, Melanie said, Kelly's jeans look too good.
Kelly has been hard at it, eating the Roca practically full time, but is only about halfway through the tin, mostly because Jake tried to intervene and hide it in his underwear drawer. He was very crafty, and didn't expect that I would be doing any laundry. He was right.
Kelly is now ticked with both Jake and Melanie.
Yes, that one of the jeans is the only photo I'm enclosing in this foul letter.
Love and kisses,
(My real pictures came today. So now, I have to go write a real letter.
It isn't going to be nearly as fun as this'un.)