Sunday, March 01, 2009

What I got to say to Shellie, that seemed too long to politely post in the comments section of her blog:

Dear Shellie

As you well know, I'm no lurker, but I wanted to tell you that my husband and I were on a date last night at El Charro, a delicious restaraunt mexicano, after the temple, and I was trying to affair-proof my marriage, like Oprah and her cute Jewish doctor friend told me (and all the other ladies of America) to do last week, and not talk about kids or money or work on our date. 

Jake wasn't doing so well at not talking about work. He took me on a tour of properties he manages around the temple both before and after dinner. Oh look, Kelly! Griselda in number 5 just bought that old Buick from Manuel in number 2. It's a real beaute, isn't it? Or Hey! See that guy right there? He owes me two months rent. When I complained about the parade of homes, he mumbled something about writing off the gas. 

So I was kinda of out of ideas (we had already discussed whether or not Oprah was already brainwashing me, since I started Tivoing her two weeks ago. Our consensus was: yes, it does seems so), so then I started telling him about your NCMO/DTR post and we had to pull it up on his iphone, and we laughed and laughed and reminisced about Provo, which was very romantic, of course. So much more than Buicks. But then my chimichanga came, so I had to eat it. I was very hungry, you see. 

After 12 years of marriage, food trumps NCMO. Even talk of NCMO. Plus, you can't really NCMO with your husband. Is only CMO, which is surely better, anyhow. The 'N' can't be the most important part of the acronym, right?

DTRs are real yawners, as well. What do you do, re-read your marriage license?

Anyhow, I didn't really have any stories to share, because no one ever wanted to NCMO with me, except one very odd guy who I met in Sacrament meeting one Sunday, where he invited me to a fireside that night. Only, it turned out to be a Baptist fireside, and then afterward he asked if I wanted to climb into the back seat of my parents' Q45. I know. So tempting, but I turned him down. So I told Jake that story, even though he'd already heard it a few times before (he would probly say, 300 times. I have a tendancy to re-tell the same stories over and over, in manner of brain trauma recovery patient). Jake didn't seem to have anything to say about NCMOs, either. Was pretty tight-lipped on the subject (ha-ha!), actually.

Anyhow, thanks so much to you, Shellie, for your funny blog, which provided us with some delightful date night hijinks-slash-antics. 

(And also some thanks should go to Oprah, I guess.)

(And to her cute Jewish doctor friend, as well, who probly dreams that one day, he'll get his own show, like Dr. Phil. Only, if he does get his own show, he should watch out it doesn't degrade into a Montel-like freak show, like Phil's has.)  

P.S. Shellie, is not your fault you barked at that lady at Church. There is a line between the cyber and real worlds that needs to be crossed delicately, else the shock might cause someone to yell and behave in crazy snake/little bunny rabbit style way.

Your faithful reader,
Beeswax

14 comments:

Shellie said...

Dearest Beeswax,

I haven't heard of this Oprah "affair proofing" your marriage episode. I'll check it out.
I'm glad you didn't NCMO with that guy who took you to that Baptist Fireside. he didn't seem NCMO worthy.

you know a while ago you posted a post about how funny it is that even after we are done reading blogs that we still think about our bloggy friends through out the day. It's very true... because I just got a email to do wheat canning and I thought about you and how much you love red wheat :)

I love your blog too.
PS
don't you think
Oprah is the ultimate snake and we are all baby bunnies in her eyes.

love,shellie

wonder woman said...

(I feel as though I'm eavesdropping on a very witty and somewhat intimate conversation.)

Beeswax -- sometimes (oftentimes) my comments can be long and post-worthy themselves. I've also had a guy asked straight out if I wanted to have a NCMO. No, thank you for asking, though.

Shellie -- I also think of Bees when I think about wheat. And JT jeans and Jennifer Love Hewitt, and NYC travelogues. And I abstain from the Oprah. Anyone making $275 quadrillion a year has GOT to be doing something illegal, and I just won't give her my ratings.

Shellie said...

Wonder Woman,
I think of you whenever I see Diet Dr. Pepper, in fact I even have a coupon for a free Diet Dr Pepper that I was going to send your way.

oh and ps did you know I got like a zillion compliments on the earrings you sent me for the xmas swap!

Melanie J said...

CMOs are way better. Just sayin'.

Fiona said...

this comment thread is just as fab as the post! lol

gave you an award ... come see!

Beeswax said...

Shellie, Oprah IS the ultimate snake and we the bunnies! You are SOOO insightful! And red wheat is the bomb.

Wonder woman, you should totally abstain from Oprah. Only 2 weeks and I've been sucked in.

Melanie J, I'm so glad.

Fiona, THanks!

wonder woman said...

Bees, I have an award for you. I know you don't really "do" tags and awards, but I LOVE the way you write and just wanted to share that with you. (You don't have to do the tag. Really.)

Hailey said...

I never had a NCMO. Heck, I never even had dates. I don't know how Ben and I managed to get married. I do remember several DTRs. But Ben was the one who started them-ha!

Also, as a matter of fact, I WILL be in a play during Women's Conference--just found out on Friday. It is called "As You Like It" by some guy named Bill Shakespeare--heard of it?

Beeswax said...

Womder woman, It isn't that I don't DO them, I am just now very organized about it all. I really do appreciate it! Thanks so much!

Hailey, shakespeare, yeah! I am squealing with delight! We will totally be there.

Motherboard said...

My husband says that men go off to work thinking their marriage is perfect. Then their wives watch Oprah.... When the man comes home, his wife is crying because Oprah told her that their marriage was DOOMED.

Doomed I say.

You are both hysterical. I only wish I could be half as witty.

Claire said...

You're so funny... i've missed coming by your blog.

I love 'making out'. Or snogging. Should I be judged for that?

In fact - don't answer that.

wendy said...

I DVR Oprah also ---hmmmm, why do I hold so much stock in what SHE says. Good to have date nights with hubby --lay some peramiters (no talking about kids, job, chores) just gaze into each others eyes (and try not to laugh) ---and well, ---it usually comes down to kids, home, chores etc. But, your together and loving it.

Lorie said...

Shllie is good for all sorts of things! I am glad that saving marriages can be added to her resume.

Austin said...

I like your post you and Jake sound like good people. later!