First of all, It isn't that I've got so little going on that I HAD to blog about this. Since I last blogged, Jake's sister Liz got married, we found out Ross isn't ADHD and he switched schools, Tommy drank a whole bottle of amoxicillin and I called poison control but they said you can't OD on antibiotics very easily, I read two books about Frenchies (1 bio of Marie Antoinette and 1 WW2 novel), and I broke my very favorite casserole dish that my friend Jon Haight gave us for our wedding. Just so you know.
Secondly, let's be clear.
I did NOT decide which superhero I would like to be, based on their fab super power prowess which I covet.
Is a totally different thing.
What I decided was: which superhero is already most like me, the way that I am? Is not semantics. Is different. This involved carefully weighing both personality and physical traits, coupled with my own talents and abilities.
It seems a difficult question, yes?
I know. Is just another way my liberal arts education left me ill-prepared for real-life problems. (I'm totally lying to you. I loved my liberal arts education, and studiously avoided any classes that might have prepared me for earning any money in the working world.)
My first lady-hero choice was fairly obvious:
(Apologies to Wonder Woman. I'm not trying to steal your blogdentity.)
I chose her mostly cause of the big hair.
Not the boobs. Anymore, anyhow: these boobs I've got are working girls. Course, Linda Carter seems to working hers pretty hard, but in a different way. Is subtle but important difference, which would become perfectly clear if I were to take photos of myself in a red and gold bustier with starry blue granny panties and post them here on the internet for you, but I don't have time for that this morning, as kids have shortened day at school.
In interest of full disclosure, I will admit I used to spend a little time out in the backyard trying to rope that bale of hay with the fake calf head with my brother, a la Wonder Woman's lasso of truth; but the fact is, I was no good at it.
So really, our similarity is all about the hair. Because there were some times in the 90s where my hair was so super big and awesome, it defied gravity. It was very, very gorgeous. I think I had a little crush on it, even. (Too bad I dressed like that and spoiled everything.)
Dear Big Hair,
Golly, I missed you so bad. I'm so glad you are coming back. I've got my hot rollers out again. I'm sensing the universe telling me the time is right. All that flat and wispy yuck that started with Ally McBeal is over now, right? Also, I'm so happy about all the hair accessories that the ladies are wearing nowadays. My sister is even wearing something called a fascinator, which is so large it could almost be a hat. Sometimes they include peacock feathers and netting. They are terribly fascinating to me, but I am afraid to go on Etsy and buy meself one, because I'm 35 and maybe they lose their fascination on ladies over 32? Am not sure.
Anyhow, I didn't want to make my superheroine decision based solely on hair.
It seemed a little superficial.
Not like writing about superheros and big hair, which is totally not.
In the end, it all came down to the thighs.
I mean, was there ever really a question?
Let's look at the facts. Do we share:
Extreme pear shape? Is like looking in a mirror, when I'm wearing red tights and thigh-high boots while looking in a mirror.
Lots of wild children? Yes. Only, I have MORE! (But no one has set himself on fire, yet.)
EXTREME bendiness? Heck yes, am I bendy. Not only with the yoga, but also I totally beat all the UofA cheerleaders on the sit-and-reach in my freshman PE class by like 6 inches. I'm pretty much a sit-and-reach prodigy. Only, I don't think 35 year olds can be prodigies.
Large, man-sized hands with skinny fingers? Totally!
While it is true that she is sporting a traditional bob haircut, while my hair was supposed to be a 'long bob', (but instead I got 'The Rachel'), I think that Mrs. Incredible is my pick. Is as good as I'm gonna get.
So, which superhero/heroine is YOUR doppelganger? Please name and explain your shared traits. Or not. Whatever. You can talk about big hair or roping dummies or Liz's wedding if you like, too.