My Sweet, Sweet Moves are Going Private; or, Loose Hips Sink Ships

I'm gonna tell you, with some immodesty, that I am pretty good at yoga for how much time I've spent actually doing yoga. Which is like none, compared to most middle class white ladies. (Or at least, that guy thinks so, and he put it in a book, which we have sitting by our toilet.)

Let me reiterate: I did not say that I was actually good at yoga.

You see, as Phoebe of yore, I'm very bendy. Extra flexible, for a no-spring-chicken-of-a-pear-shaped-white-lady-who-has-birthed-4-children. I'm NOT bendy like that guy in Oceans 11. So really, I'm more like medium bendy, if you are comparing mine with all the bendiness in the whole world.

How bendy am I? Well, even when I sit on the couch and eat Cheetos for like 6 months straight, I can get right up off the couch and do this:

And from there, I can lean forward, rest my chest on my feet, put my head on the floor, and cat nap, er, meditate (on world affairs, or whatever I'm supposed to be thinking about when really I'm just lying on the floor, wondering what sort of havoc Sam is wreaking in the gym's Kidszone), if I so desire. I can even put my legs behind my head (only one at a time, though, and it isn't as comfortable as it looks.) On the sit and reach test in my freshman aerobics class, I pretty much wiped the floor with all those Arizona Wildcat Cheerleaders. In full honesty, though, I might have been helped, in that case, by my creepily long, ape-like arms.

You see, I have some crazy loose hip joints. Among other things. I'm mildly surprised my legs don't fall right outta their sockets. I'm sort of lifted up in the pride of my heart over them, if you want the truth. (And that's not the righteous kind, you know.)

Actually, this whole post is really an excuse to let you all know how extra-bendy-awesome I am, but in a mildly self-deprecating, and thus potentially palatable, way.

Last night, though, in my Body Flow class, when the teacher told us we could move from bridge pose:

into this pose, apparently called chakrasana:

I realized something. (Maybe the meditation is paying off, cause I had a tiny little epiphany.)

I might be too old to try out potentially crazy stuff in public. You know how they warn you "don't try this at home"? Well, this is poor advice when it comes to crazy yoga poses. I totally should try them at home.

After all, I'm closer to 40 than 30, ever since last week.

Now don't get the wrong idea. I chakrasana-ed, alrighty. I held that pose a good long time, too. I pretty much dominated it.

Mostly because once I got up there, I was afraid to come down.

When I finally did, I bonked my head, right good, on the wood floor (that is covered in other people's sweat and shoe-bottom germs, and likely worse. If you just don't think about it, it should be easy to ignore things that are microscopic. It worked with the plague, small pox, and cholera. Oh, and ecoli. What? Okay, maybe it didn't work). I also pulled something out in my shoulder on the way down. Something, there in my shoulder, that is necessary for being able to lift my arm up and down. Which I enjoy doing, even more that I enjoy the chakrasana.

See, the thing is, I'm not especially bendy in my arms. And I guess moving the Cheetos from the bag to my mouth hasn't made them especially strong, neithuh.

I'm not giving up, though. I'm totally going to keep on keepin' on with the tough, contortionist-type poses. I'm just going temporarily private with any new, sweet yoga moves I want to try.

You know, like some of you people do. People that say you are my friends, but have private blogs that I cannot view. Curse you, private bloggers.

Okay, no curse you. Is sort of mean to curse you. Is not good for my chi.

Wait, that's not yoga...Anyhow...

what, you ask, sort of sweet move will I tackle next?

Yup.

I'm not really that far off, you know.

I'll let you know when it's ready for the public.

To reiterate: Only my crazy yoga moves are going private; as in, I'm no longer doing them in Body Flow class because I'm injuring myself. Blog is still 100% public, and will be, forevermore. I love your comments!

P.S. If you are visiting my blog because you are looking for new and bendy characters to cast in Oceans 14 (because you really need new characters. Everyone is so tired of looking at Matt, Brad and George all the time), call me. I'm interested.