Saturday, July 26, 2008

That's just how I roll (with my homey, Tori Spelling)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. More about vacation later. I know the real reason you all visit my blog:

(What? No, really, I did it once before. You don't remember? Click here to review.)

Anyway, there we (Mom and I) were on Thursday afternoon, celebrating Pioneer Day (24th of July) the only way we know how: hanging out with Tommy and Claire in the hallway outside the Moonbeams Boutique in the Four Seasons Aviara (in Carlsbad, CA) hotel, and minding our own beeswax.
We were supposed to be inside the boutique with Jen, perusing the $80 little girls' plastic flip flops, and frosting up the glass over those pretty jewels made by an Encinitas artist that we all love; but Tommy was not thrilled with the shopping, wasn't even mildly distracted by that ring pop I gave him as a sort of hyper-sticky 2-year-old pacifier.

While we stood there, becalming the toddlers, Tori and her entourage sidle past. First came The Husband and Small Boy (I googled them and found out their names are Dean and Liam), and maybe the dog, but I don't think so. Behind them was Tori, pushing a fancy hot pink pram, a bugaboo-like contraption containing new baby Stella, born last month) and next to Tori, a potentially nanny-like individual.
Tori was sporting a sheer green and yellow shirt with no pants. I will give her benefit of doubt and call this a bathing suit cover up. I need to say that Tori is quite gutsy to be seen pantsless in five star hotel lobby just weeks after giving birth. I would never attempt such a feat, but I think she pulled it off. When she noticed me staring at her, I tried to look away and whistle, but I don't think it did any good. I'd totally been caught mid-90210 flashback.

I immediately texted Jake, who was out on golf course, and Shawna, my BFF since 4th grade, who was also staying there at the hotel.

As it turned out, though, nobody much seemed to care that Donna Martin was in the hallway with me.

But wait. That's not all. Yes, there is EVEN MORE Tori for your creepy stalking enjoyment!

Later that evening, my sister Jen was over to the spa. She hears a man's voice yelling "Tori, in here. There's got to be a bathroom in here! Do you have Stella?" And Jen's like, holy cow, get the man outta the women's locker room. There're nekked ladies in here!

Anyway, Jen hears Tori's voice urgently reply "Yeah, I've got her. But where's the bathroom?" Just then, the disembodied-man-voice comes around the corner in an enormous black lady's body. Is just an extremely manly-ish woman, not an actual man. Perhaps a bodyguard? Jen is mighty relieved.

But Tori is not relieved. She has some urgent needs. Tori REALLY needs to pee, or something. And she cannot find any toilets. And she is becoming frantic, pushing around her fancy stroller with Stella inside, in the relatively small space of the locker room, in chicken-with-its-head-cut-off-fashion.

(The scene looked exactly like the above photo, except the stroller was pink, they were indoors, Tori isn't pregnant anymore, she had crazy eyes, and she wasn't wearing any pants.)

So Jen, seeing the panic in Tori's eyes, tells her "the bathrooms are right over there," and Tori says "thanks," and makes a beeline in the direction of Jen's finger.

Then, Jen got her cameraphone, put it under the stall, and snapped a few candid shots.

No. Not really. But wasn't it a good thing Jen was there to help her? I mean, without Jen, Tori might have soiled herself! (Though, of course, she couldn't have wet her pants, cause she still wasn't wearing any.)


VarneyFam said...

OK! That was so funny and I read all of it! I loved watching 90210 and can't believe their going to try and have a comeback of the show?! It just won't have the same effect without all my (our) favorites. As silly as it is we all have to admit how fun it is to see a "star" no matter who it may be! You stayed at such a beautiful place too! Ooooh I'm jealous :)

Jill said...

Wow, I guess celebrities use the bathroom too, just like regular people;0)

Jenni said...

hahah...I love your star sighting sad is is that you could have asked me what her husband and kids' names were and I could have told you...geez Kelly, don't you People Magazine? =) (ok, I admit it...I've seen the Tori and Dean show on TV...there, now you know my secret)

Alyssa said...

It would've been so RAD if you had pic of Ms. Spelling's underside for you blog!! And I bet you could have sold them for like $3.7 mil!!

I don't know that I'll ever have a celebrity citing. Oh, wait - I briefly met L. Tom Perry at a funeral. Does that count?

CASSIE said...


The Motherboard said...

How totally lame-O am I that I knew her hubs name? you live the glamore life for sure!

Lucky duck.

Heather said...

That is funny, glad your sis was there to help her out!
Looks like a wonderful place you stayed at.

Jen said...

Kelly, you forgot to mention the Lucy Liu siting at the Jazz Festival Saturday. She wasn't wearing pants either (in favor of a cocktail dress...)

Shawna said...

I thought the show we obsessed over in high school was Twin Peaks.
We were never normal teenagers, but we must have switched to 90210 at one point b/c I remember watching the show.

Brett and Shireen said...

That might have been my favorite post of all time, Kelly. Loved it. And I do love the fact that Tori had no pants on. Jen texted me that she just saw Tori Spelling, and I was like, "Donna Martin hanging with Jen?" Oh yeah, awesome. I've actually been catching 90210 re-runs during the recent bed resting. Sigh. I'm glad you had pants on, Kelly. Can't wait to see the bathroom stall photo shoot. Sigh, that would have been hilarious. Jen the paparazzi-ist. If only she was still on the pogo stick.

acte gratuit said...

Woah wait...did you say CARLSBAD?

Pam said...

Wow, no pants Tori and the man/ and Jen have all the luck. That is an awesome story.
I was all over the 90210 scene so I would have cared too. Although I might have cared just a bit more if it was Dylan(Luke Perry..not that you didn't know that) with no pants. heehee

Natalie said...

Loved it. People used to stop me and tell me I look exactly like Jennie Garth back in my younger days and I was always so flattered. I can't believe I have no celebrity sightings to blog about. How sad. :(

Nichole said...

Jen told me that story and I just laughed out loud when I read your version of it. You are a great writer! If you ever need someone to star gaze with we can hit Beverly Hills and I can spot them pretty good. It is up there with one of my favorite things to do.

Sue said...

Is it sad that I've been watching the Tori and Dean show now and then (I mean come on, it's ALWAYS on) and now I kind of love her? I mean, for a sort of tv star / billionaire's daughter she's pretty normal.

Brian said...

I saw Robert Downey Jr. at the Grand Californian Hotel a couple weeks ago. He just gave us dirty looks. He's kind of a jerk.

Alyson said...

Hilarious story and even more hilarious photos! :)

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