Friday, November 06, 2009

Pandora's Worms, you think I should have worn falsies?

I'm back on the grid. 
Except for Tivo. And on this girl's grid, Tivo is more important than telephone or internet, water or sewer. But not electric. Cause obviously you need that for the Tivo to work. DUH.

I really need someone to hook up my Tivo. 

Since you and I last met, I have had a change of venue. I have packed, driven west about 5 miles, unpacked, wiped things out, mowed things, and spent a great deal of time looking for stuff that is probably still in boxes in the garage. Yesterday, I sent Jake a text asking him to get poo, and lots of it. He's pretty chintzy with the poo. (We are trying to overseed the lawn, and keep running out of seed and manure. Aqui en el desierto we have bermuda grass in summer but plant rye in the winter.) It isn't going very well. I think we need to call Tony the landscaper. I'll bet he's full of poo (or his truck is, at least).

So, the unpacking. At first, it went on swimmingly. Oh, look! My toothbrush! And only missing two days! My yoga pants! I know just where to put you! Furniture: Here. And here. Or maybe here. 

Wait. Stop unpacking and get in your costumes, children! We've got to go to the Ward party! Boys, do you have your weapons? 

Tommy, wired, even before the sugar high.
Army man #1
Army man #2
And #3

Vampira here spent the whole time in the petting zoo.

Oh, but what about me? I forgot to wear a costume! How about this here Dolly Partonish wig? And maybe some sunglasses? Yes! Is perfect. 

(Nobody took my picture. So, here is sloppy November 6th reenactment:)

Only, wig was very bad move on my part. Cause I don't know most of these people at the party. Cause we just moved in on Wednesday. And they didn't know me. Especially in the wig. (Except one nice girl, who was like, I dig your blog, Beeswax! Hi, Dana!)  At Church the next day I overhear one lady whisper to another: Kelly Beeswax? Who? To which the second lady responds: You know, the blonde one. And the first lady nods, as if to say, of course.

Why am I such a geek? Cause I really, really, really am. Now I am thinking I should have gone whole hog, with gargantuan falsies and what nots. Then, I would fer shur not get any callings for awhile. They probly wouldn't even want me out visiting teaching. What do you think?

So now we continue to unpack. But things are slowing down. Now, when I open a box, it is filled with stuff I don't want to see. Is like big, cardboard cans of worms. Pandora's moving box. Okay, Let's see. What's in here? Ack. Is canning jar from kitchen desk area. It is filled with pennies, deutchmarks and pfennigs circa 1990, antique keys, beheaded lego guys, old contact lens cases, hair clips, Carmex (I should apply some of that. Am feeling quite chapped), colored pencils, cap for inflatable slide from 5 years ago, and the battery case cover for a blue game boy. Is WORMS! WORMS! WORMS! Quick, Pandora, close the box! 

So, you see what I am up against. And the kids rooms? More of the same. Tiny pieces of caca that will drive me to madness.

P.S. I feel WAY better now. No more vomiting. Am almost five months along, and nearly well. Am very, very happy about this. Happy November to me. And you.


Barbaloot said...

Fun costumes! I dig the blond wig. Now people will take longer to recognize you and you have a few more weeks of call-less freedom, right?

Good luck with the un-moving. I'm about the attempt such a feat in the next couple weeks. Not excited.

wonder woman said...

love the wig. am now thinking I should've bought a couple from the clearance racks. (I only talk like you when I read your blog. is fun. the talking, and the blog.) good luck with wormies.

Jaime Theler said...

You definitely should have gone with the falsies and bought yourself some time. I say chuck the worm boxes. :)

mama-face said...

Just read the several posts I missed and it appears the I REALLY have been missing out! Congrats on the pregnancy. And the trip. And the move. (weird how the junk in your moving box sounds exactly the stuff in my house.) The trip sounded and looked wonderful. is the linking your blog to facebook thing going? The very idea scares me to death.

Oh, I love how you write. :)

Heather said...

Hey Blondie! You looked fab, love the wig.
The kids looked so cute, love Tommy's cowboy gig!

Cynthia said...

Whenever we moved the Hubs always liked to remind me not to go into the new ward "All gung ho". We were supposed to just sorta sneak in. It looks like you have literally done this with the wig. Incongnito is good- just slip in under the radar and you MIGHT avoid having to speak for awhile!

Brett and Shireen said...

Great costumes. I think you could have done the falsies and perhaps worn a halter top or something, then for sure you'd get a break from callings. I think you should throw out those last few boxes. The headless lego men can go to a better place.

Glad you're feeling better, love the new digs.

Kari said...

Hey--I have to get out of a calling. Do you think that the wig would work after the fact? Put the wig in a box (with or without the worms) and ship it up here, so I can get to work.

Natalie said...

If you moved into a ward with Sandbergs, Lees, or Stewarts we can see if you meet any of my lovely relations!!
So glad you are feeling better. Prego sicks make life miserable.

Claire said...

Keep the wig. It will continue to serve as a deterrent in the callings dept.

Deila said...

love your writing! you can make pregnancy humorous for those of us who find nothing funny about it while in the midst of it. Of course I'm past that now, at 55, but I have never forgotten my time in confinement.

Dana said...

I'm not sure how in the world I missed this post seeing how we are already onto another HOLIDAY! My sister told me I made the Beeswax blog! Sa-weet! Glad you're in the ward! Can't wait to read your Thanksgiving stories! =)

PS- Loved your costume!