Monday, February 08, 2010

He looks like a Larry.

We had a visitor yesterday to Primary (kids' program, at Church) who would NOT give up his name. The chorister went at him for awhile, with no luck; then some teachers started to work on his friend and older brother, kids who apparently thought, hey, if he can hold out under such intense pressure, who are we to rat him out? In my experience, such solidarity is quite rare in the under-8 set.

To be fair, the friend seemed to be saying something, but he was a 5-year-old with a frontal lisp and an r-deviance, complicated by a refusal to phonate (although, I'm sure a dog could have heard him), so it was the same as not helping. Teachers were repeating what they thought they heard: Hunter? Turner? Brigston? (Fer rills. Brigston.) You get the idea. Also, to be fair, it wasn't immediately obvious to me that the 'friend' getting the 3rd degree actually had any previous acquaintance with the visitor at all, but was maybe just unfortunate enough to be sitting next to him before the investigation began.

This went on much, much too long. Kids were getting nervous and bored, Sunbeams began to wander the room and lie about on the floor. There was so much squirming, 25% of the panties in the room were visible. (Lots of Dora the Explorer).

Tommy, meanwhile, is sitting next to me (also, at 3, nominally a Sunbeam, but refuses to go anywhere near his class, and got kicked out of the 4B class, where he sat next to cousin Claire), but I am unable to stop him before he yells into the escalating chaos:

Hey! He looks like a Larry.

Most of the teachers giggled into their hands, but I saw lots of kids nodding to each other, like, sure, why not? LARRY!

Which somehow drew the interrogation to a rapid close. We sang the Hello Song to 'Larry', who, looking stricken, went to find his seat right after We're glad you came our way. Soon thereafter, he burst into tears and got hauled out.

Junior Primary is the best. But not when you're the chorister.

(I had that gig, once. After church is over, you need a Snickers bar, a Unisom, and a nap. After that, you'll be mostly recovered, but your left eye might still twitch until Wednesday afternoon.)

16 comments:

Bryn said...

So true!

Linds said...

LOL! I'll have to share this one with our primary chorister.

TheOneTrueSue said...

Primary chorister is my favorite church gig, except for the part where you have to show up every week and stay for all three hours.

Wonder Woman said...

I had to sub for chorister last week. If I weren't popping a baby in a few weeks, I think they would've called me to the position.

This baby is SUCH a blessing.

jt said...

Larry Potter?

LeAnn said...

We totally relate with you here in our Virginia primary. I guess it's true what they say, the church is the same everywhere! lol

Azúcar said...

I moved so I could stop being chorister. I was the chorister for both senior and junior primary. It was the Carina show every week; twice on Sundays. I'm told I was fantastic. It was exhausting.

andrus_heather said...

Oh my gosh! That is pure hilarity. You are so spot on! I have been teaching sunbeams for the past 7 months after nearly 12 1/2 years in RS, and am surprised my 2010 batch hasn't sent me to my grave. The Dora panties! I'm so glad it's not my fault. Thanks for making my day so much brighter. Not that I didn't see the hilarity before, I just couldn't put it to words...and I thought I was the only one.

Claire said...

I'm in primary. I long for my release. Is this an unrighteous desire?

Melissa Bastow said...

Poor little Larry. The kid is probably emotionally scarred and will never be able to hear the "hello song" without a box of tissues nearby.

I never tell anyone at church that I play the piano and I purposely sing off tune for fear of any music related Primary calling.

Varney Family said...

That is so funny and sad all at the same time :) I second the comment about being chorister - fun but hard work and the chocolate followed by a nap is a must!

Hailey said...

I'm the chorister now and Ben doesn't understand why I can't move after church. He really doesn't get it. Your post validates me.

Beeswax said...

I can't believe how many chorister-readers are out there! I have great respect for the chorister. I think it is the most important job in Primary. They certainly get the most face time with the kids. I just didn't have the IT quality I have seen in other choristers. I was okay with senior- they can read and be bribed easily.

I think the primary prez agreed with me: she released me and made me a counselor, where I couldn't do so much damage.

Now that we've moved, I've got the 4A class. 4 kids and a co-teacher. Cushy. Now, if only Tom would go to his class...

Oh. and my nephew read this post and told me that the visitor clearly said his name was... HUNTCHELL. ?????

Jolene said...

Junior Primary Chorister has got to be one of the hardest gigs in the church. But your new ward must be better behaved than your old ward where we had to stop singing the Hello song because everyone sang 'Jell-O'. Although I would give up my new calling to go back to being the chorister in a heartbeat - I think I use less Excedrin now.

One Sassy Mama said...

Hey now--you rocked it as the chorister. I always thought you were fab. My favorite was when you were having the kids guess the word FAMILY--and you said, "Who can think of an "F" word?"

I have to agree that it is a full-on aerobic workout. But, it truly was one of my favorite callings of all time. I've even offered to sub as the primary chorister in my current ward--(yes-like an audition)--and still no takers.

I'm with Jo on this one--I'd give up my current calling for the chorister gig.

skcoe said...

1. I am the primary chorister. In Junior Primary, Senior Primary, and BOTH NURSERIES.

I am not kidding.

And THEN (Oh yes, there's an "and then" to this story...) they called me to be the WARD CHOIR DIRECTOR.

It's been a rough couple of months. I don't sit down for three hours. It's a love/hate relationship because I've had the chorister calling five (FIVE) times since I was 18 and I really enjoy it, but it is a LOT. OF. WORK. And energy. And caffeine. How am I supposed to kick the caffeine habit if I'm always the primary chorister???

Not my point. I was really just going to say that I've had more than one child just stare blankly when being introduced, so I've made up names like "Matilda DeFunky" to "Sir Oliver Laughs-a-lot."

So, um... is this your way of telling everyone you're naming your baby Brigston?

Just wondering.

(I'm not usually a stalker but I can't stop reading! I'm private but if you want in, it's only fair. sikcoe@gmail.com)