Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Switching Teams

On the phone with Jake just now:

J: Is that Twilight movie tonight?
K: Yes, remember when I told u that, last night?
J: Do you want me to go to the dollar store and get u a TEAM JACOB shirt?
K: No.
J: Why not?
K: I'm TEAM EDWARD.
J: Really?
K: Yes.
J: (LONG PAUSE.) That's very awkward, considering...


K: (ANOTHER LONG PAUSE.)
Oh.
I never thought of it that way.
Team Jacob, then.

So if you see a three-month-postpartum lady at the Chandler Mall Harkins tonight at the 7 pm showing of Eclipse, who has fabulously large Flashdance hair (got my hair cut short and now it is really curly, and who has time for straightening irons this summer?), is eating red velvet cupcakes her friend Shireen snuck in inside her purse, and is wearing an ill-fitting I HEART JACOB t-shirt stretched over her lactating breasts (Jake always gets me small or medium-sized clothing. I think this is a compliment. Like in his mind's eye, I am skinny? Or maybe in his mind's eye, I am wearing a tight t-shirt?), you should know she isn't really rooting for the wolf-boy.

You should also look for a straight-haired woman without a t-shirt, in case I get time for fancy hair and Jake doesn't have time for the dollar store.

Or maybe you should look for a lady wearing the gorilla mask that Jake bought to scare little kids coming to get candy on Halloween? Gorillas are like wolves, right? Then I wouldn't have to brush my hair at all.

Or I could wear those vampire teeth Tommy got at the Chuck E. Cheese?

You should say hi, when you see that lady.

The rest of you, who are judging me for going to see Twilight, can just remember that I am getting cupcakes, with cream cheese frosting, maybe, a new shirt, and three hours away from my kids on a Tuesday night. And I didn't even have to stay up til midnight.

Are you in? You got a shirt? A gorilla mask? Curly hair? Husband named Edward? Long incisors?

8 comments:

Johnna said...

I think in his mind's eye, you are skinny AND wearing a tight t-shirt.

I won't join a team, but it's obvious from my reading of the novels that Jacob is the better choice.

My daughter says it's cooler to be on Team Alice.

Barbaloot said...

I'm on Team Emmett. But I probly won't see the movie for another few weeks. Bummer.

Beeswax said...

After seeing the movie, i was reminded that I am fer sher not on team Josh Edward Scissorhands Groban (Jasper) or team Blonde Tom Cruise (Carlisle). Those guys totally freak me out. At least Blonde Tom moves his face.

Brett and Shireen said...

I will admit, after reading this post I am slightly disappointed that I didn't get to sit next to gorilla mask wearing lady or vampire teeth lady. But since I flaked on providing the delicious cupcakes, I suppose there is not much I can say.

Other than I promise to bring you cupcakes soon.

And I am afraid that even though I do feel a little bit pervy by thinking that Jacob is a good looking guy (I mean he's still in his teens, right?), I will admit that the scenes where he doesn't have his shirt on were not terribly hard to sit through.

Thanks for going with me, lactating mama. I enjoyed the night out too. Look forward to seeing the next one with you as well.

Claire said...

Curly hair + heat + no straightening irons= me not going out AT all. You're braver than I.

skcoe said...

BAH! And sad. Your poor husband!

THANK YOU for pointing out the Edward Scissorhands character. I don't remember reading about him in ANY of Stephenie Meyer's books, but there he is...in every movie. Uck.

Kacy said...

This is the kind of Twilight post I like.

HELLO my name is Jill said...

oh my goodness! hilarious <3