Friday, December 10, 2010

Just got back from the spelling bee. I wish I had a valium.

Jane and cousin Jack were both representing their respective classes at the upper elementary spelling bee this afternoon, so my Mom and sister Jen and I showed up.

Writing about it is bringing on mild PTSD.
Please hold while I procure a paper bag into which I can breathe.

The pronouncer was from somewhere in the Midwest, and kept saying stuff all screwy. And by screwy, I mean, not like they do in Arizona, or in California, or on TV. I'm all for the great American melting pot and the German and Dutch immigrants who influenced the North Midland dialect, but not when nerdy bragging rights are on the line. Not to mention the trip to the regional bee.

What does it matter?  Why am I being so small-minded? Well, I'll tell you. The result was a who's-on-first-type-scenario that began in the practice round:

Pronouncer: The word is ADD. 
Cousin Jack: ADD?
Pronouncer: No, AaaaaDD.
Cousin Jack: Can you repeat the word?
Pronouncer: Aaaaaaaaaadddd.
Cousin Jack: ODD?
Pronouncer: Nodding... ADD.
Cousin Jack: ODD. O-D-D. ODD
Pronouncer: That is correct.

Kid behind me: She said add. That's odd.

And indeed, it was.

But the real problem? I couldn't deal with the pressure. It was a good thing Jane flubbed up CITIZEN in the 5th round, cause I might have keeled over on the bench from the unhealthful levels of cortisol jetting about my blood stream if it had gone on any longer.

Those poor kids. One slipped syllable and DING!  THAT IS INCORRECT! YER OUT!
I have to stop talking about it now because my pits are getting sweaty again.
I think I need a nap.


heather said...

Oh man!

Jodi said...

Holy Cow, we just lived the same day! My daughter got out on the word "quench" because when said with a Texas accent it apparently sounds like "quinch." I sat there trying to figure out what in the world quinch means, and then that dang DING. Heartbreaking for my nine-year-old to be the first one out after winning her spelling bee last year in Michigan (where they probably would say "add" and she'd know what they're talking about.)

SBrooks said...

Yes, painful. I have experienced those and you spell and spell and slowly spell the word in your head whilst cheering the child on and monitoring panick attack. I feel the same pressure when my boys have to pitch in baseball. I can barely watch.

Claire said...

I'm really good at giving out slaps. Want me to slap someone for ya?