Monday, November 05, 2007

Blocking the Cartoon Hippo

Last night I had to block Youtube on all three computers here in the office. Jane was looking for a cartoon hippo that sings The Lion Sleeps Tonight, even though I told her no Youtube without parental supervision.

She also got on the treadmill at my parents' house yesterday, not 5 months after her joyride on the treadmill at Grandma Beeson's landed her in the ER. See the photo on your right, from last May. Children often exhibit poor judgement. I think it's part of their job description: Short, hungry person, who is willing to make enormous messes, cry and/or whine loudly and often, lose teeth occasionally, be innappropriate in public, show gross ingratitude, and have poor decision-making skills, way beyond the age of maturity. It is the parents' job to help coax these troublesome traits from their childrens' personalities, while at the same time doing the same for ourselves. It is tough work, and it goes on for decades.

In the meantime, before their self-control and good judgment kick in, I use baby gates, child proof locks, and an internet filter, plus more tricks that I'll send you in an email if you put $1.95 in my paypal account. I know you all want parenting tips from the lady who leaves her 18-month-old at home alone, so very soon I'll be rich!

So I glance over and see Jane staring at the main Youtube home page. It is filled with film titles like Sexy Japanese Girl, all of them breezing right past the filters. Cybersitter is normally rather tight with security, I don't know why it has a soft spot for Youtube. It is diligent with my blog, which as you know is pretty racy. I have to turn off the filter before I publish a post, or it will block every instance of words like girl, blood, mushroom, chicken breast, death, bomb, and hate.

For instance:
Without the filter: "Kelly cooked her roommates some chicken breasts with mushrooms, with some sinful Devil's Food Cake for dessert. The other girls hated it. The dinner was a bomb."

With the filter: "Kelly cooked her roommates some s with s, with some ful 's food cake for dessert. The other s d it. The dinner was a."

Jake told me his cousin Sam and wife Sarah haven't received many emails from Sam's parents Dick and Gaye since they installed the internet filter. (Blocked because of the sender's names, not due to salacious content. I hope.)

Have any of you had this sort of trouble? Do you have filters that work better than mine?

Anyway, I thought I'd put this out there, as a sort of public service announcement. Your kids may be safe from chicken breasts, but not from sexy Japanese girls. Be warned.


One Sassy Mama said...

Kelly B - forget my kids - I should probably filter youtube - for my own naive well-being. One of my friends had told me about a glorious musical program about "The 10 Virgins" she had seen at an enrichment night. You know all the crazy things you can find on youtube - so last night, I decided it would be a great idea to look up "The 10 Virgins" so I could preview it for myself. I can wholeheartedly recommend NOT searching for "10 Virgins" on the youtube search engine (or any search engine for that matter).

Jolene said...

Kelly B - my kids have their own log ins and passwords on msn. You have control over most web-sites and all of their e-mail. The problem is that you have to be right there with them to type your password in when they want to see something that hasn't been approved. This can be a pain and I am pretty sure that my kids have watched me type in my password so many times that they know what it is - making the system totally null and void. I get really fed up when Devon was doing research online and just changed him to the "teen" setting. Not much changed except that he gets around 17 e-mails a day from Papa John's Pizza.

I went to a blog widget once that gave my blog a rating like the MPAA ratings. My blog was G rated in spite of my use of the word missionary. You should try it out. I'm guessing you are PG with all of your breast and bomb talk.