I mean, I know the holidays can be stressful, but in the fall (or if you live here, when temps drop precipitously into the 90s), you can start slacking on all kinds of stuff. Trust me. You just have to look harried enough, and roll your eyes around like crazy while you mumble it's that time of year, you know!
This holiday excuse will work beautifully from October 15-January 15.
Summer is also a wonderful excuse for laziness. First of all, around here, it is so hot that if you move too much or fast, you might actually die. Also, people are vacationing like crazy. Even if you aren't actually going anywhere, you can 'leave town' too! No, no, I'm not speaking of one of those 'staycations,' where you have to run your kids around to desert botanical gardens and Science Centers and sleep in tents in your backyard. Is a horrid idea. I mean, just tell everybody you are leaving, then barricade yourself inside your house and read blogs for a few days. Clothing and regular hygiene are totally optional! (In addition to your fake vacations, you can actually go to California and drag your kids to the beach and Legoland. Is not relaxing, but it does get you away from your other commitments.)
The summer will entirely excuse all laziness from May until school starts again in August. (Your dates may vary.)
There is also a small window of reprieve, where the burden of our cares is lifted, when the yoke is in the mire (no, wait, am mixing metaphors again), for a week at spring break. Sometimes, though, it takes some time to recover from spring break (I've seen some of the MTV coverage), so we can comfortably count out any productivity in the last half of March.
So, what have you left? August through mid-October, and then mid-January through 'til May.
What does this mean?
It means you have no excuse.
It means a long, wide desert of piano lessons and science projects, Abe Lincoln book reports and pinewood derby cars to design; of entire weeks of 6 a.m.s and midnights, and pediatric neuro-psychologist appointments (because your son's teacher thinks he's ADHD, but you aren't sure it isn't just a bad case of the wiggly-and-smarts), and new glasses to get to replace lost ones, and unplanted gardens. It all lies before us, a wasteland of work, bereft of fun.
It means your shoulders are to the wheel.
It means you can't wriggle out of anything. You just have to DO IT.
It means you can't read or blog because your brain is fried. You keep re-reading the same tub-wrinkled old paperback chick lit, and find yourself saying "wow, how did this not win a Pulitzer?" (No?)
It means somebody better give you at least two pounds of See's chocolate for Valentine's Day, because you are going to need it to sustain you in the long nights ahead, even though you are still supposed to be on that diet you started in January.
It means, people, that you are BUSY.
And as usual, when I say, YOU, I mean, ME.
But what about actual you? Are you busy, too? Let's see a show of hands.