Monday, March 01, 2010

My Grandma died, but I don't really want to talk about it, okay?

So my Grandma* died, and we had a funeral this last weekend. It was a good funeral, so that was nice. And all my cousins, and aunts and uncles came, which was great, too. But it was also pretty hard, and I feel emotionally spent. So forgive me if I don't talk about how much Grandma meant to me, and how great she was, cause look, I'm already bawling.

I am finding it hard to write anything that isn't sarcastic or humorous (obviously an inappropriate tone for this post). Is very uncomfortable for me. Maybe I'm not so real after all? Even if I did show you my kitchen? Perhaps I was only being fake real? Which is hypocritical. So unattractive.

During the funeral, my kids (Tommy was in the nursery) sat with their cousins and didn't talk or wiggle or poke one another, but sat very still and silent. This has never happened before. Ever. Was true miraculous miracle. Sam actually keeled over and slept on Jake's lap. Which made me think he must be very seriously ill and would likely throw up at any moment (turns out was healthy). At one point cousin Will did get out his DS and start playing, but it was totally on mute. Was a very reverent Game Boy. Jen tried to get Jake's attention to tell him to tell Will to turn it off, but Jake was busy shopping on ebay on his iphone.

I cried all the way through it, almost without pause, but that's just what happens when your Grandma dies and you are 8.5 months pregnant. (And you are already a giant wussy.)

For the rest of the weekend, we hung out with the relations. My cousins are pretty great. Becky and Laurie can always be counted on to stay up all night telling family stories that cannot be repeated on the internets, Christine told me she stalks my blog (hi Christine!), and I wish Ben would move down here from Utah, cause he is smart and hilarious, even though he once (he was a college freshman, so he can't be held fully responsible) called me a big girl and said that big girls weren't his thing (I was 5'9" and 135 pounds). I think I told him that was okay, since cousins weren't my thing. We had Dave and Mindi and kids staying at our place, where I was a horrible hostess cause I'm too large to get up very much (NOT 135 pounds this week), and didn't cook any food. Somehow, though, by Sunday morning my feet had grown from twice to four times their normal size, and I had to wear flip-flops to church, and people noticed and I was humiliated because I normally have very nice ankles and AA width feet. My Mom saw them and told me to go to the hospital. I'll spare you the visual. You are welcome.

Instead, I'll share these:

Verna in high school


Young Verna and Don


Grandma and Grandpa


At her 99th birthday party, last month



My family, the Laytons, at the graveside on Friday: Ross, Mareen, Ryan, Jen, and Kelly.
(Is taking pictures behind coffins weird? It felt weird.)


All her 25 grandchildren. I'm at the far right. Next to Ben, who is probly thinking I'm big. Well, he's right. This time.

*Verna Pauline Oswald Taylor. January 9, 1911-February 19, 2010. I checked my stats and it turns out people are googling her. Even people in Germany. Gutentag, Germany! So for family history purposes, grandma was married to Don Leon Taylor (died 6 years ago May), and they have 5 children , 25 grandchildren, 75 great-grandchildren (plus at least two on the way, including this boy of mine!), and 3 great-great-grandchildren. All of us are brilliant and extraordinarily good-looking, according to Verna.

I'll miss you, Grandma.

28 comments:

ginger said...

She was beautiful! So sorry for your loss.

Barbaloot said...

Sorry for your loss---love the pictures you shared. Glad you got to spend that time with family.

Azúcar said...

I'm so sorry. She was beautiful!

Bee said...

Very sad to hear this.
I loved hearing about her 99th birthday.

xo

Amber said...

So sorry! I'm sure the party you all had for her takes on a whole new meaning now. And it sounds like you might be having your baby earlier than expected!

Oh, and I'm 5'9" and have always wanted to weigh 135. If I totally stopped eating, I could do it.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Wow, your grandparents were lookers--it's clear where you got yours from. I'm so sorry for your loss--it is never easy but the love doesn't lessen.

cally said...

I'm sorry Kelly.

amygrowcock said...

I'm sorry for your loss (sorry that's trite). She was absolutely beautiful and I think you look just like her. My best to you and your ankles.

jt said...

first one of your posts that made me cry-not from laughing. i'm glad i got to see her on Christmas, she looked beautiful. I see you in that second photo.

Shellie said...

Incredibly beautiful and I bet very proud that you were her granddaughter. Love you!

Leslie said...

What a beautiful woman. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post with us. I still cry when I think of my Grandma who died three years ago. {{Hugs}}

Mrs. Organic said...

What a beautiful woman, I imagine she's a sweetheart. I'm sorry for your loss, it's hard missing someone you love.

Kelly said...

Hope you are doing okay. Sorry to hear about your Grandma.

Jenni said...

The first thing I thought of when she passed away was what an amazing legacy she left behind. I was sad to miss the funeral, but so glad Josh could go, along with all her grandkids. And by the way...you are looking gorgeous at 8 1/2 months! =) And PS--sometimes the Smith boys speak before they think...sometimes. =)

The Damsel In DisDress said...

I can tell just by looking at those photos that your grandma was lovely, inside and out.

One Sassy Mama said...

Oh--I'm so sorry Kelly. Love the pictures.

Sarah loves it all said...

I love your blog. I've been making myself at home for about 30 minutes. Hope you don't mind. :) I'm so sorry about your grandma. I lost by grandpa 10 years ago and it still hurts.

Hailey said...

But maybe did you notice that Ben's a little bigger himself? Gone are our fabulous supermodel days, but who needs 'em? Right? Right?!

I'm sad I missed the funeral, especially since Ben is bad at giving details, like even one. So I'm glad you posted this!

erin said...

I see a lot of you and Jen in these pictures of Grandma. Beautiful!
I thought the funeral was so nice, and you looked great! Seriously.

Jolene said...

I didn't know I read one of your cousin's blogs until I saw pictures of the funeral on hers. I'm sorry for your loss. I have loved hearing about your Grandma through your blog. I think you and Jen look so much like her. What a great thing to look forward to. Please tell Jake to let me know when the little one arrives. I'd love to bring dinner.

Vern said...

I hope I'm that radiant when I'm 99. If. I mean *IF* I'm 99.

Kari said...

My sympathies for your loss.
Though, I can't help but think--99 years and 100+ of the most brilliant and extraordinarily good-looking children and grandchildren and beyond? That's a life worthy of envy, to be sure.

Reid and Christine Family said...

Hi!

As I've been reluctantly "gearing up" to have another baby (and I'm reluctant because I gained 60 lbs with each of my pregnancies) I've found myself thinking about you- about how incredible and magnificent you looked at Grandma's funeral with how pregnant you were. I mean if I could look like you did, perhaps I wouldn't be reluctant. By the way, I'm also a little envious of you because you knew Grandma so well.

Well, now that I told you how I envy you, have a good delivery! Good Luck!

HELLO my name is Jill said...

Sorry to hear about your grandma, that photo of her is high school is so lovely and such a treasure!

Terresa said...

Oh, I'm with you, sister. My gram died recently, too.

My arms are wrapped around you tight, telling you, it's horrible sad awful.

And that was just the day she died, not including her funeral, and later, going through her home, her drawers and socks and old make up and smelling her everywhere but not being able to say hello.

I wrote about it on my blog several times, including here:

http://thechocolatechipwaffle.blogspot.com/2010/01/death-doulas.html

(hugs)

Claire said...

What a glamourous lady! And your Grandma! I'm sorry that you've been upset and hope you and your family are doing ok.

Don't worry about your ankles. I think I have to win the biggest ankles competition. My midwife was really concerned about my ankles one time. I looked at them, and told her that genetics had just shafted me. I have total cankles like my Dad.

So just imagine how my trunks looked when the water retention really DID set in. Yikes.

Anonymous said...

Your story helps me fell better about my grandma passing, thanks!
Its amazing to look back on the older pictures and see how amazingly beautiful peoples grandmothers were when they were young!

Meg said...

Sooo I decided it was about time for MONTHS of not being on here that I read and of course I laughed... I LOVE THIS!! I needed to laugh cause I have been missing Verna A LOT!! I loved her!