Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Chinatown Special: COACH Bag Giveaway! (And me and the jeans go out on the town. And we eat six desserts, accidently.)

I know you all came here anxious for Album I totally forgot to listen to for ten years but is really super great, plus look how many crickets are in my sink Wednesday, but I just didn't feel like blogging about music and crickets today, and I just refuse be tied down to such conventions, even though this would only be the second week. I'm a free-bloggin'-spirit. I usually wear a bra, though. A free-bloggin'-spirit is like a hippie, only with a bra.

The jeans arrived on Friday, midday. I love them. I think they like me okay, too, but they might be happier if I didn't fill them up quite so much, with so many desserts and hamburgers. I might need to stop going to In-n-Out drive-thru 3 times a week. Why oh why are the burgers only 1.5 miles away? Is dangerous proximity. Some days, though, I just need to get myself a hamburger with grilled onions and light spread, and go home and sit on the couch and watch House Hunters on TIVO. That 1/2 hour is the most relaxing part of my day. Is like a mini spa vacation. If spas had pink spread. Which they don't.

Also, I might have gone to delicious new Italian place down over to the San Tan Mall two Fridays in a row. It is called Brio, but a better name might be DELICIOSO. Which might not be an Italian word at all, cause I only speak Spanish.

While I was there, I might have ordered 6 desserts. Yes, on both visits. Stop opening up your eyes all wide like that. Like you've never eaten six desserts before. Your contacts are going to dry up and fall out, if you don't blink. I know, cause when I'm lying on the floor after yoga class and listening to the relaxing porpoises-screeching-new-age-beach-music (like us free-bloggin'-spirits are wont to do), sometimes I forget to blink, and once my contact fell out. Which isn't relaxing at all.
*** IMPORTANT CORRECTION*** As I pondered the dessert, I began to think there might have only been five, plus some of Jake's cake, which really only equals 5.5 desserts. I can't believe I OVERestimated my dessert intake. Is crazy.
Anyway, there were five tiny cups (minuscule, really) filled with cheesecake, creme brulee, chocolate cake with caramel, something that tastes like flan but isn't (panacotta), and finally, I switched out the requisite tiramisu for
chocolate hazelnut creme brulee.
Which is the best one.
That's why I bolded it.
In case you were skimming this post to get to the free coach purse giveaway. Which is cool, but you shouldn't miss out on the chocolate hazelnut creme brulee just because I'm so verbose that I can turn a picture of me in my new jeans into a Master's thesis. I totally need an editor.

So anyhow, when you go to Brio and order your six desserts, don't forget to make the switch. Or if you are digging the booze soaked lady fingers (gross), switch out the panacotta (medium gross, but I still ate it). Tell your server you want the Beeswax Special. He'll know what you're talking about, and will wink at you conspiratorially.

No, he won't. I'm totally lying.

Anyhow, don't fret about me and my jeans. They go on for now, it's just that one more Friday at Brio, and they might have to go on sabbatical until I get a handle on the treat intake.
(I didn't even tell you about Saturday night at the Krispy Kreme. I think you already the picture on the dietary train wreck, though, right?)

I do have a plan, you know. The whole problem is easily solved by:

a: aversion electro-shock hypno-water-therapy
b: moving further out into the desert, away from the In-n-out
c: only ordering one dessert, not six, every week
d: going back on the "Kelly, you eat too d*** much" diet (the *** stand for a,n, & g), on which I lost nearly 13 pounds, by using tough love on myself and eating a measly 1300 calories a day
e: combination of all of the above.

Okay, maybe not "b". Moving is extreme behavior for hamburger avoidance. Should only be last resort.

Here's a picture of me in my new jeans at the apple store, which is right across the street from Brio. It was taken by my lovely sister-in-law Jane, with whom we double-dated, and who always remembers to take pictures. I sort of love that with my wonderful Cole Haan/Nike Air Mary Jane tall-tall shoes, I dominate all 35 inches of that inseam! I'm thinking of taking my old tall jeans to the tailor to get hacked, and leaving these alone for awhile. Seems a shame to cut them off, you know? I mean, I already have the shoes...

What's that? You would you like a better look at the shoes? My 35 inch inseam is obstructing your view? I got them at the Carlsbad Outlets while I was on vacation in California, for almost free (only mine are pewter). Like 40% off of already 75% off. And they are tall, but also very bouncy, thanks to Nike, so I might be able to dunk if I wanted to play basketball in these beautiful shoes. Which I do not. And since they wanted to give them away to me, I also got these hot mama Nike/Cole hybrids, which I enjoy;

Spouse thinks they look like working girl shoes.

If he is referring to the kind of girls who work in the Primary at Church with all the sweet, little children, then he is totally right! Cause that's where I will wear them. And maybe to give my talk on Sunday. They are going to have to raise the podium when I get up there with my stiletto-Nike-shocks-technology.

So, did you know my FIRST BLOGIVERSARY is coming up on Saturday? Well, the anniversary of when I commandeered the blog from Jake (the Spouse).

I've been around this big, wide blogosphere, people, and I know that propriety requires that I give something away in celebration.

And so, I shall! With gladness!

I've got a 50% chance of being 100% authentic (by which I mean, almost no chance of authenticity at all, but who knows?) Coach purse that I purchased, in frigid single digit temperatures, in Chinatown earlier this year. From genuine, authentic, New York Chinatowner folk. It is brand new with (likely fake) tags. I'm going to give it away on Saturday. If you win it, you will be the envy of all your lady-blogger friends who didn't win it, and the envy of all your real-life friends, who will see it on your arm and want their own Canal Street Special. If you are a man, then you should give it to a special lady in your life, and she will likely kiss you. On the lips. Unless she is your mother. Or your sister. Cause that's creepy. You should skip your relations, and give it to someone you've got your eye on, if you know what I mean, so you can get off the Mommy blogs and get some action. Sounds like you might need it.

Anyhow, I am going to choose a comment at random from this post on Saturday, August 30th, at 8:58 am. 8:58 am is one year to the minute from when I first hit PUBLISH, sending my words out into the world, for good or ill. It's all terribly romantic, isn't it? I'll bet Jane Austen would have been an excellent blogger; although, she would probably have given away ribbons, or a new bonnet for her blogiversary.

Oh, and though I would love to send the purse overseas, I am afraid that mailing such questionable merchandise to foreign climes might cause an international incident. I am not ready for an international incident. Of any sort at all. So, continental U.S only, please!

Okay, Canada, you, too. I'm such a softy for Canada.

Tell all your Canadian friends to come visit and leave comments! (Oh, and all your other friends, too.)


Lizzie said...

So since I am the first to make a comment I get more entries right!!

Really, I was going to comment anyway. So I am still waiting on Noah to give me a call. Until then I am bummin around, loving the no job life :)

That picture of you is gorgeous! Love the jeans.

And when do you go to flow? I'll go with...I want to see your mad flexibilty-it will put me to shame

Alyson said...

Ok, when you kept going on and on about how you need to stay away from those hamburgers and desserts and need some sort of diet, I was thinking we'd see a picture of an actual overweight person. Instead, we see a beautiful, perfectly trim, totally thin woman! You look amazing in your photo and unless you've photoshopped it to make you look that way, you just KEEP ON EATING those yummy burgers and desserts. Because that diet seems to be working for you, girl! I think I need to get my behind on that diet! :-)

Sign me up for that giveaway! I'm probably one of the furthest from Canal St, so perhaps I deserve it the most? Ok, ok deserve probably isn't the right word, but whatever I can do to get an in.

Pam said...

Kelly you are so sexy in your new fancy jeans. Love the shoes as well. You have always been the fashionista in my eyes since I met you so there really is not to much shock there. Especially the day that I saw you in the gym and you had this sweet black pants and skinny jacket number on. Then I really thought does she ever not look fabulous.
I drive by Brio all the time but have not yet tried it so now I guess I will have to stop in and get the Beeswax special. It sounds delish.
Oh and congrats on your upcoming blog year mark. Have we really had the pleasure of your amusing and inspiring words for almost a year now. We are all too lucky.

Adrian said...

Mmmm creme brulee mmm. I think I'd make all six of them the creme brulee. That is my favorite dessert in all the world.

I would happily go on the "six desserts a day" diet if it would make me look like you. Instead I'm on the "no desserts ever" a day diet and I'm squeezing into my size 18 jeans! Life is just not fair....

I think I need a coach purse to console me. (LOL)

nevadanista said...

As a tall gal myself, I just want to say don't mess with that 35 inch inseam! Walking on my jeans and making them all raggedy on the bottom is still but only a dream for me. I really don't want to ruin jeans by walking on them, I just want to know that I can.

I'd love to win the maybe fake Coach purse to impress my 13 year old daughter. She would really think I'm the 'shizzle' if I have a Coach, even a fake one. Love your blog :)

McEwens said...

First you are SOOOOO funny! I started reading your post and then the phone rang! DARN! SO I am back!

Fab Jeans!! LOVE them!

I wish there was a beeswax special!


Jolene said...

Kelly - You have induced shoe envy in me for a while but now I have jean envy too. You look great in that picture.

I'm glad you didn't post more pictures of crickets. I think I am off to in-n-out for some diet spoiling of my own.

Heather said...

Kelly, you look mighty-fine in those jeans!! YEA, glad you got them.
Our next meeting will be at Brio. Never been, but sounds great! :)
Or bring your swim suit and we could do some knee boarding by my house! hehe.
Love visiting your blog. I am crossin' my fingers for that purse!

Eric and Breanna Graham said...

Just so you know all your food talk, is spoiling other peoples diest as well. So thanks to you I now want to go to a place I've never been (Brio), eat six desserts and then stop by in-n-out for an additional snack. At this point the only thing that would make me feel better is a new coach purse! Love the jeans by the way! And how convienient you had amazing shoes to compliment them.

Jenni said...

Looking HOT my friend!!! THose jeans rock! And seriuosly, only 6 desserts? You can do better...aim for 7 next time! =)

Tiffani said...

Breanna told me I needed to check your blog out. She said you are too funny. I love it. Come see mine too, even though its no where near as riveting as yours.
(this is Tiffani Benson btw.)

One Sassy Mama said...

You are extra sassy in your fancy pants--and shoes. I wish UT had in-and-out--we do have a crappy knock-off in Lehi--but it is not the same.

sarinahbrooks said...

MMMM- you are talking my lingo on the sweet treats sista! You so can't tell - the jeans look fab( asusual on your fashiony self) and those supe ebayed impressioned jeans also hide all the naughtiness of treats and In-N-Out Lovin'. Go you! You look fabulous! (Kick in the Austin Powers accent there)

Brett and Shireen said...

First off, you look fabulous in your jeans! And those shoes are gorgeous! Remember a few months ago when I told you how skinny you look? Oh yeah, I've been buttering you up for months now!

AND... I have a great recipe for creme brulee AND I will make it for you if that perhaps gives me any sort of boost for the "give away".

I am currently on an in-n-out and dessert only diet - well, more like whatever I can eat that I don't have to cook diet plus dessert. But I am still wearing maternity jeans so I don't think my current diet is working for me. I had in-n-out for lunch today, now that's what a hamburger's all about.

Heidi Ashworth said...

You look great in those pants! So, you only eat dessert once a week? In that case, I highly recommend six at once. Or even seven.

Leslie said... look amazing in the jeans. A.Maze.Ing.

Can't wait to try out Brio. totally make me laugh my guts out.

Heidi Ashworth said...

By the way, I hope you don't mind that I am advertising your contest on my blog contest blog

Molly said...

Kelly you look gorgeous in that picture! I might have to save up some money to invest in some of those jeans! Cute shoes too, comfy heels are hard to find!

The Motherboard said...

I wanna play! Pick me oh random number picker!

You look hot in those jeans. I wonder if I could sqeeze my big toe into that size? hmmmmm.....

shell said...

Okay first of all you look effing hot in those jeans. HOLY COW. Good Job on looking so good.
And the shoes can I just say they are awesome as well!

And as for the Coach bag giveaway... I'm in!

Patricia said...

I have it on the best authority that they would NEVER sell a knock off on Canal Street. I really enjoyed reading your blog, too funny! The jeans and shoes look gorgeous--just reading about your diet added inches to my hips!
As probably the oldest to come and read your blog, I think I should get a few extra votes--and I need a cane!

kitchenditcher said...

You are so cool! I am so not coolish. Once my kids told me that I had 80's hair and I needed a hair makeover so I would look like a 2000 year mom. A coach purse would make me cooler and look like a 2000 mom though. Hope I win!!

Do they make those jeans in middle age sizes??

wonder woman said...

First of all, I really did come to see if you had more music and crickets. As I was coming up with my wednesday post, I thought of you.

Secondly, my contacts really WERE drying out as I read this post. I have actually removed them and am now wearing my glasses. Freaks me out a little bit, yes it does.

Thirdly, I also feel I need an editor. I get to rambling and not going on with the subject of the post, but feel it's all good and you're getting the real, undiluted me. But mostly, I need an editor. Seriously had this thought last week.

Fourth: you flipping look like Jennifer Love Hewitt with your sexy hair and rockin' jeans and hott shoes!!! Seriously.

Finally, fifth: I heart purses. And it's been SO long since I've been able to get a new one. What's the random site? Is it available for hacking? I mean bribing? I mean....Cheating is wrong.

quitecontrary1977 said...

thanks to your spouse for giving up the blog and chinatown for giving up the bag!

Jan said...

Wonder woman comes to mind in those jeans. Way cool.

Pick me coach.

VarneyFam said...

I never tire of your amusing antics and how you 'd like to think you need an editor but really it would spoil the lovely conversation you have for us all to feast our eyes upon!!
The jeans look DIVINE on you and accented by the fab shoes...cannot go wrong in that little number. Oh for the metabolism to devour the yummy dessert selections and in - n - out choice menu :) I look forward to Sunday to see the "Primary - working girl" shoes in all their glory.
A woman can never have too many purses so please count me in for a chance at one - especially considering I'm still using the cute red one I got for Christmas last year :)

~The Robin's Nest~ said...

I was reading Kitchenditcher's blog and had to come see how cool you look in your jeans...They really do work for you! So cute.
KD also said you are giving away a purse...So please sign me up for that...I may not be able to pull off wearing the jeans but I'm sure the purse would really make me look quite cool! :) Thanks-
By the way...I am having a Christmas Stocking Swap that some of the ladies you know are entering...Maybe you'd like to join in on the fun?
Take Care,

Natalie said...

Ooh! Pick me! I used to consider myself lucky (with a capital L) but I'm starting to wonder if it's still true. hmmm... we shall see! I'm glad I found your blog. It brings much joy and laughter to my life. And I'm lovin the jeans and the amazing shoes. You are gorgeous, my dear. (with a capital G)

Anonymous said...

You are sooo funny...seriously!

and Count me IN on that "COACH" bag give is Very Cute!

and Love the the know how to ROCK a magazing cover!! you are gorgeous!

Lynn - the piggy bank painter said...

Love the purse. Pick me! Pick me!

Mechelle said...

Wish I looked that fat in my jeans! You look fabulous! And those shoes are gorgeous! m

Kristen said...

What a perfect day to give a Coach away...that's my birthday! And what a wonderful birthday gift it would be. I'll even pay for shipping. :) Love the jeans, wish I had a pair. Alas, Aaron put a stop to my ebay jeans shopping for now.

Renae said...

Love the jeans, the hair, and the shoes. If I could find jeans to make me look like that, I'd actually pay full price. (which is saying a WHOLE lot for me) Maybe we'll eat food supply for a couple of weeks and I can use my grocery $ to fund my new found desire for great jeans. Pinto bean fudge, anyone?
PF Chang's does the shot glass desserts also. Loved all of them. Since they're so small, there's no guilt. Right?

Lorie said...

I don't know...I think your Chinatown Special would go really well with those new jeans and fancy Nikes. Maybe you should keep it! Or at least enter your own giveaway to see if you can win it back for yourself. You never know. Fate, destiny, karma, or kismet might want you to keep that bag!

Bren's Life said...

Oh my Wordie Birdie girl. You are the biggest crack up ever... I can't believe I just sat through & read all your blog & your a perfect totally cool & funny stranger. Which I must say you must not be a too far away neighbor because I was just at that mall a couple hours ago..
If you have little girls the Glitter Box is having 50% off sale & boy they have cute stuff...
Anywho- Love your blog. Wish I was in your ward to hear you talk Sunday, because if you talk anyway that you write it will be the Best talk ever... Teach those Dry Council Men something..
Cute shoes. And there is no flippin way you eat all you say you do unless you eat while running a marathon & lose it all in seconds.. Because you look Great.
Never been to that Restaurant - have to go soon...

da Bergs said...

LOVE the jeans, but I have to say, I am a shoe girl and I LOVE LOVE LOVE thoes SHOES!!!!! (are you giving those away too??!!!) wink wink!

I hear that coach calling my name!!! ... hear it??!!!

Frumpy Luv said...

The jeans look great and what a fantastic bag!!!!

Allyson said...

Is it bad that I'm only commenting cuz Iam coveting that purse?? Actually, I think I like the shoes even more, although my 5'1" body would feel like I was walking in stilts if I were to attempt to wear them. Love the jeans by the way. I can see why you HAD to have them.

Brigham said...

That bag would look good over my shoulder, laden with heavy wrenches.

CoCo said...

Sis Beeson - This is Courtney Ridd, my mom told me that you were giving away a purse. I LOVE purses and even though I think that if I won my mom would steal it, I still want you to enter me in the drawing please. P.S. I really like those shoes!

Lisa said...

Hey, beezwax! I forgot to come on here and tell you that I've given you an award because you're just so awesome, just so you know. I've posted about it on my blog.

Hailey said...

Requesting a back view picture of the jeans, please.

What? I have never seen these jeans in action before. The front view is slammin'.

Also, I went to New York this week! But I walked everywhere--so I never made it to Canal Stret. But my husband is surely happy about that.

Shanana said...

Fake Coach Couture?!? I'm THERE!

I have to admit, I'm quite jealous of your 36 inch inseam. I am about 36" tall (TOTAL) and constantly have to have the podium lowered for me when I get up to speak in sacrament meeting... Even when it's a youth speaker that precedes me.

BTW, I added you to my blog roll, since I seem to have developed a habit of stalking your very entertaining musings. Hope you don't mind.

jt said...

i almost forgot about the drawing! My white purse has lipstick and crumbs all over the OUTSIDE (Thank you sophie), black would be better for me.

She had heads turning, people, on our double date. She rocked the jeans.

the hot'ns said...

I've been reading your blog since "Kelly's wife car," and have loved it ever since. Even though my name is Jodi Foster, I still can't afford a Coach purse. But I sure would love to win one!

Jodi Foster
(the fake one from Michigan)

Becky said...

I'm in... the purse looks adorable. As do your jeans.

Jill said...

You have an In-N-Out burger AND an Apple store where you live? No fair.

I'm totally jealous.

I would really love a new purse, and I could really use one because the one I bought for my birthday (yes I said bought, I finally decided just to buy my own birthday gifts) at Sears three years ago is falling apart, and my children are embarrassed to be seen with me. (however, that probably has more to do with the fact that I enjoy embarrassing them in public as payback for all of the times they, as toddlers, threw themselves on the floor of the grocery store and screamed so that everyone was looking our direction and giving me that expression that says "Wow lady, you should really do a better job of controlling your kid")

Also, I see nothing wrong with ordering six desserts.

wonder woman said...

Is it wrong to enter more than once? If so, please delete this comment.

wonder woman said...

Did you see The Dark Knight? If so, you've GOT to check out the trailer someone made on YouTube with The Dark Knight and The Office. It is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Next to your blog. =D Again, feel free to delete all these comments if I'm cheating.

wonder woman said...

I just REALLY love purses but have been banned from buying more.

wonder woman said...

And I've NEVER won anything on someone's blog before.

wonder woman said...

EVER. So this is would be awesome.

wonder woman said...

Seriously, though, feel free to delete my comments if what I'm doing is wrong. With my luck, the random drawing probably happened at 12:01 and I'm just making myself look like an idiot.

Yasmine said...

im pretty sure im late for the giveaway :'(
but that is a NICEE bag

brossettelewis said...

Just hoping you don't notice the date of my submission. I need a cute bag. My $5 BBW bag is ready to retire!

heather said...

You are the most Loreli Gilmore-ish girl I know. Seriously, mad caloric intakes and hot, slender body. Who knows how THAT math works out? Totally mysterious. But if you can get away with it (like clearly you can) then why the heck not?

Love the shoes, and the bag. :)

Flores Hayes said...

adorable bag!

my roomate is THRILLED with her panda bag!
she just LOVE it

M. Gray said...

Cute idea to do this on your anniversary! LOVE the bag. China town! I went to China town in D.C. and I don't think it was anything like the real thing.