Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Frog you, suckas.

Tommy's first day of school, ever, in his whole life, was yesterday. He learned about the color red. Here he is with his first tiny piece of shiz, er, crafty masterwork, that I will surely feel driven to save, in stacks and boxes, until it burns in the fires of the apocalypse:

So, in honor of his very first day in the hallowed halls of academia, I would like to share some of what we've been teaching him at home to prepare (to talk trash on the playground during recess):

A few days ago, we went to Meowson's Frozen Mustard for lunch. (That's what a barely-verbal Sam used to call Neilson's Frozen Custard, and now I've strong-armed everyone into calling it that. I fake a little no comprendo if a child of mine dares to call it by the correct name). As some take-out customers left the shop, Tommy yells after them:

"bye bye, suckas!"

I was horrified-slash-loving it. Mostly, just loving it. After all, it's hysterical. And now we know what my Mom was teaching Tommy while I took the older kids to the movies earlier in the day. I expect that he will always comes home from Grandma's house with a few new words. Grandma is a speech therapist, after all. But usually, they aren't so danged entertaining.

I will say, though, that Tommy is in a good place, linguistically. We can get him to parrot nearly anything we say, with only moderate comprehension, and poor 'consonent-R' blends.' (Except 'tr', at which he excels, which we have already discussed, at length). The Rs, on most occasions, are mostly inaudible.

Jake and I have had some good times lately, encouraging Tom to say shirt and frog repeatedly.

Or sometimes other variations on the same theme, including: baby shirt, bull shirt, or my favorite, frog you.

Hey, it might be poor parenting, and in poor taste, but what else are we to do for entertainment, with our Tivo nearly empty, except for SYTYCD and Burn Notice?

When we got home from Meowsons, I zipped Tom into his crib tent and whispered the usual "night, night." Then, instead of "love you, Tommy," I whispered (in my sweetest, lovey-dovey-baby-talk voice): "bye bye...suckas."

He gave me a little wave and a smile through the mesh netting before he responded, in kind:

"Momma. Night, night.

Bye, bye, suckas."

(Please feel free to leave me comments now about how I'm going straight to Hell.)

20 comments:

COMcewens said...

LOL!!!!! Too funny! My oldest had a mild speech problem and we did the F and S words over and over, too bad we didnt think about FROG YOU Suckas! I think he wouldnt have spent so much time getting the sound right had it been that much fun!

Brooke said...

Come on, it's hilarious when little ones inadvertently swear. Russ and I have had many occasions of laughing hysterically at something vulgar our kids have said by mistake. So, I don't think you're going to hell, and if you are, then I'll be there with you!

Alyson said...

oops, I made the last comment while the computer was still signed in under my daughter's account. Alyson made the last comment, not Brooke. Sorry!

Leslie said...

Love it!!! We are currently trying to get our 2 year old to say "truck" with the "tr" sound at the beginning instead of the "f" sound he prefers. You just gotta love speech development!

Jenni said...

I'm falling off my chair, I'm laughing so hard. True Beeson family values shining through right there I tell ya! =) What a cutie!

Jolene said...

Just knowing that Tommy swears puts him that much more in danger of being kidnapped by me. He is already so cute to look at that I want to steal him every time I see him. It is a sad day indeed when your kids stop saying words wrong. Then it is just the parents that keep saying them wrong. I have been known to say "come lay lish me" on occasion.

Kritta22 said...

LOL I love it! we have done with some of the kids I watch! You are creative though, with Frog you! Gotta love it!

Jill said...

You should film him saying those things and put it on Youtube. That's what all good parents do.
I never would have allowed my first three kids to say anything like that, #4, however, is a different story. It's just so darned cute.

alyssa said...

I think you're going straight to hell.

:o) Just kidding!

This is hilarious. Gotta start with my kids!

TJ said...

Frogs hop is a good one, try that.

Hailey said...

Well, from what my husband tells me about your husband on the basketball court, I'd guess that he's going to pick it up sooner or later...

Seriously, funny stuff!

Pam said...

I always new behind your prim and proper facade that there had to be something going on. Trash talking to the baby huh? OOOOH that is good!

deana said...

You need to try "what the frog", or wait, how 'bout "get your shirt outta here". No, no, try "Shirt on a stick". This is fun - can Tommy come over?

VarneyFam said...

Now that I have 2 with speech delays I am getting all kinds of ideas! Although Landon would kill me I think I'd be laughing too hard to notice! Thanks :-) Also - I should admit that I laugh so hard when Porter sayd Truck without the TR and uses F - it horrifies my Mother but come-om it is just so funny when they have no idea!

Becky said...

Oh, golly! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time! Riley (my four-year old) has all of his sounds down pat, but he's a big time mumbler. So even if he's saying something like, "I got the toilet paper out," it occasionally sounds like, "what the hell is that?" Good times...

sarinahbrooks said...

Oh - I love it! That boy is a true gem - really, are your children are. I remember the great shark slaying stories that Jane told in Primary or the Ross-isms. I would have laughed so hard and gone back to do a video on utube with my cell phone and encouraged a repeat. That was fabulous! Thanks for the laugh!

Lisa said...

Funny! My sister's little girl couldn't say the word "flag" very well (omitted the l, devoiced the g) , but loved them and always shouted out when she saw one. I believe in that lovely country we call America that would be about every 5 minutes when in public. Nice.

ginaharrop said...

When my daughter was little she used a f instead of tr, so we went through everyone form of truck you, truck off and truck it. So aweful I know, but we were young college students with one kid and no money....what else to do with our evenings. The phase was over before we knew it anyways. Lance's prudish sis-in-law pretended to be horrified, but I know she was grinning beneath her pursed lips. Glad to see someone is going burn and giggle with me....lol.

Nichole said...

You need to get out the video camera and get some footage! That is pretty funny! I miss the entertainment of a little one roaming around the house. Maybe not the messes but the good laughs!

Hallett Family said...

Well Kelly if youre going to HELL I will save you a spot!!! Heather Hallett