Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Pokefriends, Shams, and Public Pee

On the way to school this morning, Jane and Ross discussed the elementary school's discipline system:

Ross: The green card is the best, then yellow, then red, then double red. After that you are in serious trouble. You get sent to the ISS room.

Jane: Wow. What do you have to do to get sent there? Someone peed in the bushes yesterday, would that do it?

Ross: I've seen kids pee in the bushes before and they didn't get sent to ISS. Maybe if you talk back a lot. That's what Dorian did.

(Inside my head: ISS? ISS? Oh, in-school suspension.)

Jane: Who's Dorian? Was he your friend? (Her eyes are wide and she's on the edge of her booster seat).

Ross: (He pauses, then admits reluctantly) Well, he has some Pokemon cards, so I guess, technically, yeah, he is my friend.

There are at least two bits of interesting information to be gleaned from Ross' last statement.

1. It sounds to me like Ross is trying to distance himself from the offender. Ross' own checkered past is littered with red cards, and he thinks he looks better the further away from Dorian he stays.

2. Ross is already thinking like a man. Isn't this descriptive of how many men choose friends? He likes Pokemon, he likes mountain biking, he is an accountant, he plays on my softball team, therefore he is my friend. Men like specific activities they don't mind sharing with like-minded individuals. "I am going to go (fill in the blank), and you are welcome to come." They make Poke-friends.

For women, it is less about the activity and more about the like-minded individuals. "Hey, girls, let's get together! What should we do?" Some women make up semi-sham activities, so the men to whom they are married better understand why their wives are leaving the house. Book club, Bunko, scrapbooking, and making pies for the homeless, while all fun activities, are really secondary to the real reason we get together: talking
("Your babies sleep/puke how much?
You wear what size bra?
Your husband/mother-in-law said what?
She is such a TRAMP! (The book's protagonist, not the girl who didn't come, and can't defend herself)
You lost/gained how much weight?
You look great/I absolutely can't tell! I'm sorry your pants are so tight you can't sit down"),

and eating, which heightens the pleasure of the talking, and gives you more to talk about
("How did you make these divine brownies? I have eaten six of them while standing here all night. As you'll remember, I can't sit down because my pants are too tight").

I'm not saying we don't actually enjoy reading/rolling dice/preserving our memories for future generations/feeding the hungry. I'm just saying that when we get together to do them, talking is the main goal. And scarfing treats.

Anyhow, I take issue with Pokemon card ownership as the sole criteria for friendship. If Charles Manson and Stalin and Pol Pot happened to own a Pokemon card, would Ross technically be their friend, too?

Finally, why are so many kids peeing in the bushes at school? Public urination deserves a yellow card, at least.

7 comments:

JT said...

amen, sistah

Molly said...

Funny stuff! I got a blog today so you'll have to add me...I'm still getting the hang of things though!

Jake Beeson said...

Once again I see why I need my own blog. I could blog a whole blog about softball. I could blog about mountain biking too. . .

Todd Taylor said...

Jake??.....wanna go mtn bikin'? And, does this mean you are my friend only b/c I ride a girls mtn bike and am enthused with the prospect of our property mgmt empire? I guess relatives are different from friends.

Jake Beeson said...

Yes, Todd, and apparently we both like accounting. Boys are so shallow. If I could find some girls that liked accounting, I'd hang out with them.

Kelly said...

Nice. You aren't being very sneaky about looking for accounting girls. This is your wife's blog. I've got options, too, you know. Krish from India sent me an invitation to be his friend on Shelfari. Maybe I'll accept him just to prove I've still got it.

melanie said...

like you've never peed in the bushes at school... how do you make all the different colored words on your blog? i think i need a tutorial...