Thursday, April 24, 2008

Deep thoughts with Sam Beeswax

Mom, how did they make the world again? Did they make land or plants or animals first?

I go into long monologue about days of creation that bores him a lot. He stops blinking, and stares out the window; finally, he cuts me off.

Okay. But Mom? Why did they pour in the spiders? When was that?
I visualize Sam's idea of the creation of the world: a big stew, wherein the Lord adds a pinch of this or that, according to his whim. If Sam could only figure out when the spiders got added, he might be able to better understand their purpose; or maybe determine if their addition was ON purpose, or, more likely, a big misunderstanding.

Which makes complete sense to me. I think he asks a good question. Why, ever, did they put in the spiders?

Like me, Sam isn't a fan of the arachnids. No, no, hold on. I don't need your lecture about the supply chain or the food cycle or how this is earth week or blah blah blah.

Do YOU have hairy, 2-3 inch long wolf spiders at your house that you have to spray with hairspray before you kill? Because if you don't spray it and smack the mama anyway, thousands of tiny eight-legged babies will crawl off their squished mama's back and onto the shoe you squished her with, then up your pant leg and all over your house where they will incestuously multiply and bite you 126 times while you sleep in your bed? Do you have those?

(You might, if you live near me, in this great Sonoran desierto. Here is the family photo below: mom with all the babies. Heartwarming, isn't it?)
If you don't have them, don't try to tell me that spiders are my friends. My friends don't bite. Very often.

At least we don't have a house full of scorpions. (Like you, Jane and Todd, and Mom and Dad.)
I'm not sure I could answer all the deep doctrinal questions those horrid little fellas (also arachnids, btw) might provoke.

9 comments:

P&M CLAN said...

I HATE WOLF SPIDERS!! JUST AS MUCH AS BLACK WIDOWS..WHICH WE HAVE ALOT OF! I THINK I SAW ONE IN MY GARAGE LAST YEAR BUT OTHER THAN THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY! I WAS OUT KILLING SPIDERS THIS MORN. WITH SPRAY. DEF. NEED TO GET MORE!!

Pam said...

Kelly thanks for reminding me of my own experience with the babies coming off the back of the momma. That was a horror I was trying to forget. I have never moved so fast in my life.
I am glad to know I am not the only one to witness such creepyness.

One Sassy Mama said...

That reminds me of the day when I was just a wolf spider virgin.

I saw a big old wolf spider on front porch, near the front door. I got one of Jeff's size 12 shoes to squish it - and millions of darling babies scattered everywhere--including my front living room.

Charlotte was dead - but vengeance was her babies. We had the worst case of spiders that year--nasty!

After that experience, I'd just get whatever can of lethal looking spray I could find (wasp killer worked like a dream) and spray them till they couldn't move--and then one more squirt for good measure.

PS Move to UT -- no wolf spiders here = just annoying crickets.

Jolene said...

When I was about 11 I ran out of the shower - naked, screaming, because there was a wolf spider right in front of me when I opened my eyes after rinsing out the shampoo. The missionaries were over. Traumatic on so many levels.

shell said...

seriously if I ever saw babies coming off a momma spiders back I think I would FA REEEEK! OUT! Hard Core. Seriously that makes me sick to my stomach. It also gives me the heebie jeebies. my skin feels really itchy now.

Beehive Properties said...

I don't know if the spiders in the house are that big. 2 or 3 inches? That's pretty large. I hope you're not using my shoes to kill these things, because I wouldn't want spider guts on my car floormats. . . In Manila the ants would carry dead cockroaches up the walls. . . --Jake.

Kelly said...

Yes, Jake. I'd say most are 1.5-2 inches (including legs. But of course you include legs. If I asked you how tall you were, would you say "3 feet, not including my legs?), but occasionally there is a bigger one that really creeps me out.

Of course we use your shoes. They have the most surface area.

Also, the spiders read the blog last night. Jane awoke with 7 bites on her face.

Heather said...

I think I'm going to be sick. I might not come back and read your nice blog until the spider pictures are well out of sight when the screen opens.
How's that for a threat?

Fat & Sassy said...

I miss Sam at school because I always thought he asked cute questions...you are such a cute mom!!! I hate those stupid wolf spiders as well!!! We have experienced the jillions of babies scurrying across everything that was ours. The desert can be so beautiful but it has soooooooo many drawbacks too!!!! Including the oncoming HEAT!!! IIIIICCCCCKKKK!!!!