Friday, April 18, 2008

My Boyfriend's Back

That's right, folks! (Be sure to say the 'l' in folks like they do in the South, home of the Kremes, where these 'nuts grow wild on the roadside and knee-high by the fourth of July). Jake just spotted this sign outside the Krispy Kreme on Superstition Springs.

Is this real? Is this a mean and tardy April Fool's Day prank? Does anybody know anything about this? Why haven't you told me?

Anyway. MAY 13! Whatever shall I wear? I am tingling with anticipation.

But wait. Now that I've had a little time to think about it, I'm not so sure it's a good thing. Krispy Kreme is like a bad-boy, bad-for-me ex-boyfriend, to whom I keep returning. At inopportune times. After I've already gotten over him. Learned to live without him.

I won't lie. Things were bad for awhile when he first left, but now I've found healthier replacements for that co-dependant relationship. I mean, we totally ended things as friends. I've seen him around a little, and it has been okay. Not weird at all. We're like Bruce and Demi. Really, it would be impossible to avoid him in my travels. He's so cosmopolitan. The last time we met up was nearly a year ago, in London:

Honestly, it has been months since I've driven by his old place to see if the lights were on and he was back in town.

But now he IS back, I can't say no, and I'll let him woo me, lure me in, even though I know it'll never work between us. But he looks good, he smells good, and I already know we have a great time together, even if afterwards I feel sick, guilty, and swear I'm never going back for more. But then I do. Things were much easier when he was out of the state. I am a weak woman. A weak woman with glaze on her chin.

Maybe this time, the Krispy Kreme and I can just be friends. I don't need to jump right back into something I can already see will have a miserable, unhappy ending (my rear ending), right? I can set up some boundaries, like:

1. Can't use the drive thru. It is dangerous for us to be alone in the car together. I might end up doing something I'll regret later.

2. Can't get doughnuts after dark. A single doughnut during the day, well, that's just sociable; A box at home in the evening? That sounds like a date. Plus, would would my new scale think?

3. Can't ever buy one of those discount cards that gives me two dozen for the price of one. It is an evil trap. Those doughnuts seem so cheap, but who ends up feeling cheap in the long run? Uh-huh. You know.

Anyway. Welcome back, Krispy Kreme. I did miss you. Wal-Mart doughnuts are disgusting, and though the churros at Costco are tasty, things just haven't the same while you were away. Save me a raised, glazed, creme-filled.

I'll see you soon.


One Sassy Mama said...

Mmmmm-Krispy Kreme. I have been very (un)lucky to not have a Krispy Kreme in my hometown. I think the nearest one is a 20-30 minute drive. Although--I am plagued with many gas stations who are pimping them right at the checkouts. With that kind of tempation, it's only natural that I would grab one--or two (to go with my 32 oz diet coke).

Jolene said...

Back in the day I had a love for the KK. I went to school and worked in Atlanta - home of the hot glazed. They enjoy a delicacy there called the "Southern Smoothie" - it is a glass of buttermilk with a crumbled Krispy Kreme mixed in. It is the most disgusting thing ever. Whenever I feel the need for some warm fried dough - I think of buttermilk and kills the craving instantly.
Diet tips by Jolene

Pam said...

Ooooooh that is one deliciously bad thing to know is coming back. Because you know we will all just have to work that much harder in the gym after May 13th.
I'm sure we will see you in line sometime. :)

Eric and Breanna Graham said...

seriously?! I am going to have to forbid myself from driving down that street! Thanks for the heads up though. Nothing like being caught off guard with your defenses down.

Heather said...

Oh baby!! May 13th is Sierrah's bday, what a gift! I had Richard's bday there a couple years ago and it was so FUN! Glad I checked in, that has made my day. :)

Lizzie said...

I read this to my roommates and we were laughing so hard. You really need to get started on your series of books-they would be best sellers for sure-you have a talent.

The last time I wanted a KK was before Easter when Jane was visiting from UT. I asked her if she wanted to get one with me and she said "hm, do I want a donut stuck to my butt under my dress?" RRRRRight....haven't had one since!

Kelly said...

Oh boy, one of those southern smoothies with a diet coke would go down nice right now.

And Liz, I'll get started on that series of books as soon as somebody comes up with something for me to write about. I'm not sure anybody's up for a 300 page doughnut metaphor.

Hailey said...

I am glad you posted this blog, because it has reminded me how ungrateful I am and that I need to appreciate what I have. So, in order to fully acknowledge my blessings, I'm going to head over to KK first thing in the morning and enjoy all the goodness that I have been taking for granted!

jt said...

i'm really over the donut under my dress thing, I'll meet you there on the 13th. mark your calendar. maybe our hubbies will take off from beehive for lunch and meet us there too. only problem is one doesn't gain weight and the other is too healthy, so just you me and the kiddos and everybody else that has read your post-they will be there too.

Kelly said...

I'm thinking under my dress is a good place to hide donuts. I could get a whole dozen into the movies that way.