Friday, January 30, 2009

I wish I had baby giraffe thighs

But I don't. I never did. 

So, when Tommy (2.5 years old) and I were in the shower yesterday (don't judge me, is the only way I can concurrently maintain my personal hygiene and be certain that he doesn't eat poison), and he pointed to my thigh and said:

Hey mama, you have a BIG leg!

I was okay with it. Totally copacetic.

Yup, that's right I replied, as I rinsed out my shampoo. 

But he wasn't finished. He decided to persever, as he often will.

Your leg is BIG, mama!

Um-hmmm, I mumble. I try to tune him out. It is hard.

So big! Your leg is VERY, VERY BIG!

(When he says 'big', his voice gets very deep and throaty. For emphasis.)

Yes, it is, Tommy. Is my leg big? Sometimes if  I turn it around into a question, he gets confused and quits.

He ignores my question, and points down to my calf. Mama, down there your leg is little! VERY little. But, up here, it is big. So, SO big. Mama, why your leg so big?

And so it went. Through conditioning, rinsing, exfoliation. 

Nobody deserves this sort of harassment.

Tommy, I said in my sweetest voice: Why don't you go find some poison and go play in the street? Mama needs to towel off her huge thighs. It might take awhile.

18 comments:

Bee said...

Commiseration! I'm sure it's just because you are tall, and thus have long legs, and it's something to do with a tunnel-vision view.

Perspective is all.

Jenni said...

haha...this reminds me of some of the pictures Caden has drawn of me in the past...where I resemble a balloon more than a human being...gotta love the innocence of children!

Heather said...

That made me giggle, hehehe. Tommy is cute! I agree with the comment above, love the innocence of children!
You look FAB! In comparison to his leg, yes your leg is big! :)

JJ said...

I am a total stranger to you but I read your blog religiously. I think it's your sister who is married to my good friend's brother-in-law and so forth. Anyhoo, I just had to comment to let you know that you make me laugh.

I actually sent my small number of readers to your blog today because I so relate to this post. Very funny! Thank you for sharing!

Kristen said...

So freakin hilarious...I sometimes, maybe, still shower with my children too.

Claire said...

Hahaha - that's great. But it's also the reason why i keep my kids out of the bathroom at all times. They're too perceptive. And I don't like hearing the truth.

wonder woman said...

All I have to say is pull out that pic of your in your JT jeans where you look like jennifer love hewitt. NOT BIG.

And people would make fun of you if you had giraffe legs. Do not covet. =D

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I've had the pleasure to meet you in person and I'm happy to report that you do not have BIG legs! Maybe your son is showing early signs of being a masochist. hehehe Only kidding!

Hey, did you see that Bee gave you an award on her blog?

Kellie said...

hee hee! that's funny. my kids like to poke at me in the shower, because I too have to have them with me or suffer the horrible consequences that occur when I leave them alone for five minutes.

wendy said...

First mistake -never never let a kid see you naked as they will point out every single flaw. Also, it is good to not let hubby see you naked (well, not meaning YOU specifically, but you as in ME) (not after you reach 50 anyway)

sarinahbrooks said...

Oh my - I laughed so hard. Ode to the giraffe!

Julie said...

Oh my goodness, I couldn't quit laughing!! Glad he doesn't shower with me...I get enough brutality from my own "honest" children ;)

Heidi Ashworth said...

Bwaaahhaaahaaaaaaaaa!!! Sooo funny! I love the turning it into a question ploy. I will have to remember that one for future use. Not that the 7 or 14 year old will fall for that but just perhaps the 19 year old will . . .

Shelby Lou said...

bahaha. he is adorable. but he was wrong about your legs im sure. because he is so small how would he know? :D

nevadanista said...

:D :D :D

I have a feeling he'll be wandering the house looking for poisen the next time you shower.

The word 'copacetic' reminded me of a song from high school, btw.

Kazzy said...

LOL Kids are so honest. Once when I was prying myself up off the floor I moaned and said to my son, "Mom is getting fat and old." To which my son replied, "You're not...fat."

Hailey said...

Yes, I've had this same conversation with my once toddler son about my caboose--not at all uplifting.

Lisa said...

I just discovered your blog today and I'm so glad I did. This post is the funniest thing I have ever read (call me sheltered). Thank you for providing my laugh for the day (at the expense of your self esteem, I might add.) Ha...haa...still laughing....