Nothing to see here...

I can't blog today until I get some stuff done:

1. Make an eye doctor appointment.
I am out of contacts, so I stole some of Jake's. Now I can't see properly out of my left eye. Maybe I need a pirate patch. (I hear my cousin Ben has one... http://thebionicblog.blogspot.com/) I wear my glasses around most of the time, but they don't make me look smart or interesting. Think less 'sexy librarian' and more a 'messy ex-librarian' who might stay at home to eat chocolate cake for breakfast and hoard her own books.

2. Eat half a chocolate sheet cake.
Jake brought it home from a wedding last night. I hope he likes his messy librarian with a Rubensesque figure, because what he has done is nothing less than sabotage. (Only kidding. Keep the cakes coming, Jake.)

3. Find an exterminator.
I need someone to come and hose this place. I have let things get out of control because of my unreasonable fear of poison, but we can't live like this. I can no longer live in harmony with nature. Nature must die.

4. Get a jump start on making sure no girls kiss Ross in high school.
I need to send in his application to take a probability and statistics class for smarty 3rd graders at ASU on Saturday mornings. I hope it will end up something like this:

"Hey, Ross, you wanna go out Friday night?" asks cute high school girl.
"I can't. I have an early class Saturday morning on meteorology. It's really great. We get to use NASA computer software to track hurricanes!" replies 16-year-old Ross. "What about Saturday night?" he counters.
"Er...uh, no, thanks, I'm busy. I've got my own, uh, hurricane class that night" she lies convincingly.

If he is half as popular with the ladies as his father was, he will need this sort of intervention. Ross was already in trouble this week for passing Pokemon notes to Liliana. I figure you can never start geeking them up too early.

5. Research Fall TV and set my season passes at Tivo.com.
I was just informed I have already missed something called "Back to You."
What if my procrastination made me miss The Office? It would be a nightmare.

6. Develop a symbiotic relationship with Logan Whitfield.
In a few minutes, Melanie's kids are coming over while she goes visiting teaching.
I can take this opportunity to multi-task! Logan scoots on his belly, eating whatever he finds. So while I watch him, he cleans my kitchen floor. Joe said if you put a swiffer on his belly, it might work better http://minipearls.blogspot.com/2007/09/play-play.html. Plus, as a bonus, Logan gets free lunch!

7. Find somewhere to hide all of Uncle Dick's books I'm hoarding in the back of the van.
You know how some people are about dogs? They will take in strays off the street because they can't stand to see a dog without a home? That's how I am about books. I'm cool with the dogs on the street, as long as they aren't feral. So, anyway, I took all of the rest of Dick's books before they got sent to DI (There are hundreds of them). Don't judge me. They looked so lonely in those cardboard boxes in the garage. Thanks cousin Davey for loading them in for me. I couldn't carry them.
Oh, yeah. It is a secret. Don't tell Jake there are more books.

8. Figure out why there is a flood on the east side of our house.
If possible, blame it on the neighbors. That's plan A.

9. Make 8 loaves of bread
I got Aunt Ardy's stainless steel Bosch dough bowl. I looked it up online, and it holds 17 pounds of dough! I can make enough bread for 3 weeks in 1 batch. This is very exciting news! My old bowl only made 5.5 loaves. So far, though, no I've told is even remotely excited. I should email Martha Stewart. I'll bet she could show me some enthusiasm.

Uh, oh. Melanie is here. I have to stop NOT BLOGGING now.